Don't fish

Really don't like it when people fish for information. If you have a question, just ask me straight out! I went to the doctor yesterday, and one of my colleagues was really curious why. But instead of asking me why I went, or what's wrong, she kept saying:
"Are you OK?"
"Are you sick?"
"M told me that you went to the doctor and you weren't well! Are you OK now?"

Gee whizz man. Eventually I told her just to get her off my back.

Exhausted

I'm starting to wonder how I managed to survive the first 2 months in this job. I'm really taking strain at the moment! If I'm not doing the banking or getting change or fixing the float, I'm writing minutes for our meetings, or answering phonecalls or answering queries for accounts or giving books prices to demanding students... Whew.

Students are strange creatures. I know - I have been one. The majority of them are financially challenged. The first few days of the semester students stream in here looking for prices. By the end of the day I know the most popular titles' prices off by heart already. One surprised and seemingly impressed student asked me today (after I had given him 4 prices off the top of my head): "Do you know ALL the prices of ALL the books in the shop?!"

After students have enquired about the prices of the books they need, they trod off, contemplating whether to spend the money given to them by parents or bursaries on the "right things" (books) or the "wrong things" (junk food and booze). Some clearly need to soft soap their sponsors first. But inevitably, they have to come back (some complaining about how the books are more expensive than the course itself) to buy the books from us.

One good thing about students is that most of them do not want to be on campus after 15:00, giving us some well-deserved time to rest our tired legs...

Swamped

With the start of the second semester work is getting really hectic! This is the first time today I have had a few minutes to spare. This is (unfortunately) what it's going to be like for the next 2 weeks (if not a little longer). So please be patient if I don't write as often as I used to. Will write when I can!

The joys of being a woman

I've always been of the opinion that men often have an easier life than women. I'm talking purely from a gender perspective - gender roles and gender-specific characteristics and occurrences. In years gone by, men have had the burden of being the bread-winner, but this is starting to fall by the wayside (even though most men still find it necessary to their well-being to be providing for their women and families).

Instead of the men asking the women out, it is now seen as liberating and desirable (for women) if it happens the other way round. I'm waiting for the day when the woman has to ask her would-be father-in-law (mother-in-law?!) for his (her) son's hand in marriage.

I have to concede - men are getting much better at the whole cooking, cleaning, laundry, parenting deal. Which is great. Now the load is more shared.

Yet still the women have to undergo a whole 9 months of pregnancy (morning sickness and gaining weight and I don't know what else) and the pain of birth. And half of our lives, we have to put up with the joys of periods. Every month. Not to mention period pains (don't even get me started) and the horrific emotional ups and downs that go paired with hormonal changes. Introducing the infamous PMS.

I always thought I never had it as bad as other women (I've heard some stories...). Some women seem to get really angry and irritated; aggro - like you don't want to get in their way. But me, I just get emotional. Down, depressed, teary... Little things upset me and my mind wanders into areas that it would never enter had I not had wonky hormones.

*SIGH*

I think I've just convinced myself again that it sometimes sucks being a woman...

100 posts

So this is my 100th post. The number seems to indicate that I should write something special. Something unique and outstanding; out-of-this-world witty, funny and memorable. But today I don't feel very inspired to write anything worth raving about.

So just imagine me sitting with you right now, passing around a bowl of Doritos and a wonderful sour cream dip; some wine (red, white, rose - whatever tickles your fancy; even champagne if you like); and sharing some good laughs.

Here's to you, readers of Gnomeland.

Thanks to all of you who take the time every day to read my banal (and not so banal) ramblings. Thanks to those who faithfully comment on what I have written, and those who choose not to comment, yet still continue their loyal readership. To those who disagree with my opinions, and to those who totally understand what I mean. To everyone who has ever set a mouseclick on this page.

Even though my blog exists mostly to satisfy my own creative urges, it uplifts me when I know that I am writing something that people can relate to. I hope that with continued inspiration, I will not disappoint you with future ramblings...

Time is relative

I hate the fact that time never feels the same. Time seems to go so quickly when it's weekend, or when I've got holidays, or even in the evenings when I can just relax. But often time just drags on and on and on. I can't believe that it's only just past 11. Feels like I've been here too long already. Even though we are getting a little busier, we now have a new temp who works really hard. So much of the work that I used to help out with is (eagerly) attended to by her.

I'm having one of those "is this all there is to life?" and "the only thing that keeps me going at the moment is my husband" kind of weeks. I'm (appropriately) reading "Where is God when it hurts?" by Philip Yancey. So far what he says makes complete sense. Without pain there will be no joy. I mean, how can I appreciate the weekends if my week is always great? We wouldn't know how to appreciate food, money, clothes, friends and love if we haven't known what it's like to live without them. In this way pain is necessary.

Pain is necessary. But am I really in pain? I feel more numb most of the time. Floating in limbo waiting for... Not sure what I'm waiting for. I think I'm rather angry with God at the moment. Where is He? Maybe this book will provide me with some answers...

I'm right

I'm not one of those people who needs to be right all the time. But I can't stand it when I KNOW I have said something and people contradict me outright. When we source books from another branch, there is always a courier fee involved. I make sure that I inform the customer of this, and get here consent. I remember a particular case where a customer was desperate for the book. I suggested us ordering the book directly from the publishers (which would take 2 weeks) but he said he needs it desperately. The only alternative is sourcing it from another branch. I told him about the courier fee and he said it was OK, he would pay anything as he needs the book urgently. I phoned 3 branches before I finally got lucky at a branch in Joburg.

So today he comes in and wants the book. When my colleague T wants to charge him the courier fee, he puts up a fight. T calls me and the customer says that I never told him about the courier fee. But now it's my word against his. I try to remind him, as politely as possible, how the situation played out, but he just won't hear it. In the end I give in and he doesn't have to pay extra. It's just so unfair though! I know what I said! I just don't have proof. And of course: the customer is always right.

The crisis in Zim

I have been putting off writing about this for a while. Partly I think because we hear about Zim all the time, and partly because we seem to be getting a little immune to this issue. We shake our heads and hope that it'll silently go away - like many other problems. I think we're just glad it's not our country this is happening to. I hear the words on the news about no petrol, the rising interest rate; I see the pictures of the empty shelves in the supermarkets; but somehow it's easier to forget than to dwell on it.

A friend went to Vic Falls on holiday recently and came back with some shocking reports which have forced me to think about Zim again. There is little flour in Zim. Even at the hotel they were staying at, the bread was mixed with mieliemeal. There is hardly any fruit - only the tinned version. Shops are empty. Hospitals have little or no staff, no medication. Ambulances aren't operating as there is no petrol. All of this while Mugabe lives an opulent life. There is no freedom of speech, public meetings have been banned... After all history has taught us, people (including me) are sitting around unable to help.

I just can't seem to wrap my mind around what this guy is thinking. Does he really believe he is running the country well? Is he just a power-hungry guy who can't face the fact that he messed up? Or is he just pure evil?

My husband says the only way the country will change is if the people themselves rise up and force Mugabe to step down. At the moment all we can do is pray.

Broken pizza machine

So on Sunday night, when my husband had returned safely, we decided to go out to eat to celebrate our anniversary. We went to Primi which we'd never been to but had heard loads of good things about. It was pretty empty which suited us down to the ground. Before we went in we asked the waitress about the food, and she recommended the pizza - she said there were 8 slices in a pizza and it was really good. So we sat and admired the decor, stared into each others eyes and had philosophical discussions about pain. We started out with cocktails. After sitting for half an hour, we decided to look at the menu. But since we had our heart set on pizza right from the beginning, it was easy to choose one of the great pizzas available. When the waitress came and my husband asked for the Calzone, she said:

"Oh sorry! The pizza machine is broken. We don't have any pizzas today."

Mmh. Surely this is something you tell your customers? Even if the pizza machine only broke after we had asked about the pizzas, I think you should let your customers know to avoid any problems. Our waitress even suggested we have a burger instead... Um. No thanks. We want pizza.
So we left and went to Panarottis instead.
It was so worth it.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Sorry Mrs M - won't give the story away!)

On Saturday morning I rushed to Exclusive Books to get my friend's pre-booked copy of Harry Potter. I was home ten minutes later, reading non-stop (only taking loo breaks occasionally) til the early hours of the morning.

It is seldom that I have lived myself into a story like I have done with Harry Potter (I think many who have read it will agree). I found myself biting my nails, feeling my heart race as the book unfolded in front of my eyes. What I find so fascinating about these books is that JK Rowling has had to know from the very beginning what she wanted to write in the last book. The plot comes together so beautifully in the end. She manages to answer all our pressing questions, yet also keeps some mysteries so that you can use your imagination. I've been reading some of the Harry Potter forums on the Net, and I have to say I am quite shocked. People are literally obsessed. And they want everything that is not clearly explained in the book to be spelt (no pun intended) out for them. I think JK Rowling is nothing short of the brilliant in the way she wants us to use our imagination to figure things out.

Through the series we have literally grown up with Harry (so has Rowling's writing). We started out with Harry the child - and saw how he thought like a child. We moved with him through his stormy teens, and often glimpsed the angry Harry. Lastly, in this conclusion we accompany Harry as he finally comes to terms with his situation and I see him mature greatly towards the end.

Despite many movements in the Christian world about how Harry Potter is evil etc etc, I have come to the conclusion that the Harry Potter story is about love, hope, friendship, sacrifice, faith and trust. Mostly, though, it is about the unimaginable power of love. It has lessons in there that we can all benefit from.

Now, please, SOMEONE I KNOW read the damn thing so I can discuss it with you!!!!

No instructions

When someone asks you to look after their pet, you get a set of instructions. On there it'll say: Rover needs to be fed twice daily with X amount of food, needs to be walked every second day, his water bowl needs to be full at all time, he needs to be let out to pee in the evenings etc etc. Even if you're left with fish there will be instructions. A pinch of this fish food and a pinch of that. Plus check the temperature every day. Even if you're looking after somebody's house you will get some sort of instruction. How to use the fancy TV or when to put out the trash.

But when somebody gives you a plant to look after, you never get instructions. It's like assumed that people know how to look after a plant. I don't. I know the general principle - water the thing. But I don't know if it needs a lot of water, if it needs sun...? Now I'm stuck with someone's plant and I'm slowly watching it go yellow. Am I giving it too much water? Should I put it in the sun? Or was it a mistake to put in the sun for short periods?

HELP. I'm killing somebody's plant...

10 worst moments

Having just done my 10 (11) best moments, I feel compelled to do 10 worst moments (Gnome logic). Here they are (in no specific order):

1. Being hijacked and having to cope with the aftermath (nightmares, sleepless nights, fears).

2. Finding out that my ex cheated on me.

3. Failing my drivers the first time. I went home and cried for hours. The maid from next door even came to see what all the wailing was about. I think she thought that someone had died or something. I think I even smashed a mirror...

4. Being teased at primary school for being fat. People called me "fattie", or said things like "You're bulging out of that dress".

5. When the best and closest friend I ever had stabbed me unexpectedly in the back - she took very personal information I had confided in her and threw it back in my face. Basically because I didn't really approve of the guy she was with (they are now married). It still hurts over a year later.

6. Hearing (twice) that I had not been accepted into the Masters Psychology programme.

7. Going to counselling after the hijack and ending up dredging up old childhood issues. Needless to say when you go for counselling things first get worse (MUCH worse) before they get better.

8. Having to say goodbye to a bunch of people I spent 4 months living with in Germany (we did a course together). I cried for hours. Not for the fact that I would never see these people again, but for the fact that things would never be the same again - we would never be together like that again. I was saying goodbye to a whole experience (a wonderful one). This goes for all other things I've had to say goodbye to.

9. Feeling purposeless.

10. Finding out that all the information (random stuff I had written) on a disk I had lent to someone was wiped off. I cried and cried. This is the day my dad taught me about backups.

10 best moments... Make that 11

I've been tagged by Toby to record the 10 (OK 11) best moments of my life. So here goes...

1. Our wedding day! Despite all the stress of organisation before the time, this day was the happiest of my life (so far!). And of course the Honeymoon... :-)

2. The day we got engaged. It was winter in CT and we went up the Tygerberg Nature Reserve on a cold and rainy day, read a bit from the Bible, while having a hot cup of coffee. Then he brought out a flower and a ring and asked me if I'd marry him. We cried and floated on cloud 9 the whole day.

3. Finishing the Two Oceans Half Marathon in 2 hours and 11 minutes. And finishing another half marathon in just under 2 hours. Actually any time I attempt a challenging sports event - like cycling 100 km with my dad... At arrival you feel like you can conquer the world.

4. The first time I flew to Germany with my family. I was 8 and I just couldn't contain my excitement for about a week before the time (I think I was more excited about flying than I was about going to another country!).

5. The day I realised that Jesus loves me and has forgiven all my sins, and that I'm going to heaven.

6. The day I got my driver's licence, and subsequently my car (half a year later).

7. My matric dance. I had lost a lot of weight in Grade 11 and 12, and this was the first time I had really dressed up and done my hair etc. For the first time ever I actually felt beautiful. Some people didn't even recognise me!

8. The first time my husband said: I love you.

9. The first holiday my husband and I went on - we drove from PMB to Bloem, to PE, and then the Garden Route down to CT. My husband had never been to CT or the Garden Route, and his happiness and awe at the beauty of the scenery made me incredibly happy, and honoured that we could share these moments together.

10. Getting 73% for my Masters Dissertation and just generally passing reasonably well at Masters level in a subject that was unfamiliar to me.

11. When I realise that I have good friends and family that appreciate and love me for who I am.

6 months

I can hardly believe it, but it's our 6 month anniversary today. To think that 6 months ago I was sitting at the hairdresser under a rather uncomfortable dryer... Even though it feels like just yesterday that we said those vows, I just can't imagine life without my angel anymore. These 6 months have been full of wonderful moments, as well as more challenging ones. I can't imagine a better husband or a better first 6 months of marriage...

Husbandless

I SERIOUSLY take my hat off (I nearly wrote: take my fat off) to the likes of Mrs M and LT that spend a lot of time (all of their time in the case of Mrs M) away from their husbands. It's been one day and I am pining for him. When I came home from work yesterday it felt like I might as well stay at work since I'm not going home to much. It was rather depressing! And I keep checking my phone to see if he's sent me a msg.

Maybe I'm really feeling it because most of our friends are on holiday, so the only people I see are my colleagues at work. I think I should use this time to do some introspection, spend more time with God, paint my toenails, clean up the kitchen cupboards... Or something. LUCKILY I located one lone friend that is still here, so I'm having dinner with her tonight. Whew.

How do people cope with this?

Lie detector

Do you really think that these lie detector tests are accurate? I think Ricki Lake has them doctored so she has an exciting show (I only watch Ricki in dark times like these).
"When asked whether you had any sexual relations with person X in the past 6 months, you said no. The lie detector shows: you lied."
Gee whizz. If you're resorting to lie detector tests to see if your partner has cheated, I'm sorry to tell you, but there's no saving your relationship.

That's beside the point though. I remember doing an assignment in my Honours year on the accuracy of lie detector tests. It's apparently really easy to beat them. I think I'd fail dismally cause I'd be so anxious to speak the truth that I'll have heart palpitations, dilated pupils, sweating etc, and the machine would say I'm lying. And doesn't the machine go on the assumption that people feel something when they lie? Compulsive liars don't feel a thing. In fact they often believe the lies that they've made up. There's a reason why lie detector results aren't accepted in a court of law. Ricki only does it for the sensation.

Oops, I've said too much...

Mrs M and Toby had interesting posts about the worst moments of their lives. I've been thinking about my 10 worst moments. As soon as I have thought of all 10 I will do a post. In the mean time, though, I was thinking about how some encounters with me might constitute as someone else's worst moment...

I was thinking of one in particular. Last year before our wedding I went to visit my folks (one last time together as a family before I cleave my own), and was spending some time with my sister. I'm not sure what it's like in other traditions, but in ours a kitchen tea is something that is supposed to be a big surprise for the bride-to-be. I had no clue whatsoever that they were planning a kitchen tea for me down in CT (OK, OK, the thought had crossed my mind. But only briefly).

A friend of my sister's had come to pick up something and was talking to me about the wedding etc. Then (obviously without thinking) she said:
"Oh and it's your kitchen tea tonight!"
We stood there in a stunned silence. It was kind of in slow motion. I can't even remember who spoke first. We were all horrified. Me because I didn't actually want to know about my "surprise" kitchen tea; my sister because she had taken so much care to plan it without me suspecting a thing; and most of all the friend, because she had just spoilt it for everyone. I remember laughing a lot, as there was really nothing else to do. The friend felt SO TERRIBLE. She apologised over and over and over again. She really was so sorry.

In the end it turned out fine - we all forgave her and I had a wonderful kitchen tea (I was still mildly surprised, as by 8 pm that evening when the kitchen tea hadn't happened yet, I was sure I must have heard wrong and beginning to wonder if it was all set up to get me off the trail).

Then, unbelievably, the same thing happened when my mom-in-law organised a kitchen tea for me in Joburg a few weeks later. A friend of hers also let slip the date while I was standing right there.

I can't really remember ever saying anything I shouldn't have. Once I let slip that a guy I knew smokes to some of his friends that didn't know. But they would have found out sooner or later anyway.

A friend once had a crush on this guy and he had just phoned her. She was so excited that she sent me a message. Something like this: "You won't believe who just phoned! Oh my goodness, how exciting. He has such a sexy voice!" etc etc. Then (drum roll) she sent it to HIM by mistake! She phoned me in hysterics.

Have you ever said too much by mistake?

Justice

Finished a book by Stephen Lungu last week. It is so so inspiring and amazing. Called "Out of the black shadows". If you can, get a copy and read it! It's well worth it. Reading it made me think, however, about an issue that has always bothered me and my husband (and many others I'm sure).

Stephen Lungu was leading a rather miserable existence (eating from bins, sleeping under bridges etc.). Eventually he formed a gang and they started with criminal activities - stealing cars, attacking people, stabbing people and even raping women (while the others watched). Amazingly, he was converted to Christianity, and left this lifestyle immediately. Since then he has been a prolific evangelist, sharing his testimony all over the world.

I think that is amazing and wonderful and inspiring, but what about the people that he hurt? What about the people that were stabbed and the women that were raped? How do they put their lives back together? How do they cope with the fear and hurt that these incidents have caused them? I have no doubt that God is gracious and forgiving, and that he has forgiven Stephen Lungu; and that Stephen has more than repented for his sins, plus has done a staggering amount for God in terms of winning souls for Jesus.

What about a mass-rapist and -murderer who gets converted on his death bed? Does he just go to God without any consequences for his actions? Surely there has to be some sort of justice. There is none on earth to speak of, so there must be in heaven, or before heaven, right? Or do you just get forgiven when you repent and then you automatically go to heaven? Somehow it just doesn't seem fair for the victims... What about them? Like in this country do criminals have more rights in heaven than we do?!

Judgement Day

I consider myself a rather non-judgemental and accepting person. I always thought I kept a rather open mind about people and rather wanted to get to know them before I made a judgement. But that's actually quite impossible. Regardless of how nice and accepting you are, your evil human mind makes you think things you can't prevent. Even though I'm probably not very vocal about my judgements (that's why I have conned myself and people into believing I am non-judgemental), thoughts involuntarily creep into my mind - sometimes even subconsciously or very subtly that I suppress them.

For example, yesterday I discovered that one of the guys I went to school with (who I thought was definitely into heavy metal and would end up in a computer career, and only marry when he's in his 30's - I'm ashamed I even thought that!) is now a youth pastor and engaged! I saw a picture of him looking all youth-pastorly, captivating people's attention in front of the altar. How could I have gotten it so wrong? Then I think, maybe I didn't - maybe he had a great conversion experience. But then surely I shouldn't have been surprised but given him the benefit of the doubt in the first place.

Maybe I'm just being a bit too hard on myself?

Silver lining

So I just finished moaning and complaining when I checked my phone for messages. Imagine my surprise when I found an sms from HOME AFFAIRS. Apparently they have received my application for my ID in Pretoria and are busy processing it... At this exact moment it is at finger print verification. Suddenly my day just got a little better.

Cranky Gnome

I don't recall having written a single blog about one of my bad moods. Or if I did, I always ended it with something positive; a sort of excuse for feeling the way I did. Well not today. The day has finally come for me to moan without restraint.

Instead of starting with "I don't really have a reason to feel terrible today", I am simply going to say: I feel terrible today. And for good reason.

I spent the morning running the shop literally by myself, since all other staff (except me and another guy - I'll call him A) were in Durban to have a meeting with the big bosses of the company. A loves (more like is obsessed with) reading stories on the Internet - specifically wide varieties of Harry Potter stories written by some unknowns. Due to this obsession he gets to sit right at the back of the shop - oblivious to all the happenings in front. Apart from having a ton of price changes today, I had to serve customers and answer the phone, while A fed his addiction. It's just my luck that today of all days would be a really busy morning.

Eventually the others come back from Durbs. Which leaves me to drive to Durban with my favourite colleague, A, to meet the big bosses. The sun is shining warmly into the window as we take the nearly hour-long trip, and it makes me so sleepy. As we arrive in Durban, we have a whole hour presentation on the company's new developments. A lot of the presentation is about the bonuses and wage increases received by what seems like all employees except me, since I "haven't been working for them long enough". A good enough reason to feel crap, especially since saving up for a simple thing such as replacing the tyres on the car is proving virtually impossible on my measly salary. A bonus or even an increase would have greatly improved our chances of having this done.

Sitting through the presentation has made me even more sleepy, not counting the whole trip back in the warm car. The trip is so long I have time to brood about our dismal financial situation and just generally my lack of purpose and our very uncertain future. Same old same old - I know!! But it keeps coming back for a reason...

As soon as I arrive I realise that my other colleagues are in high spirits and worse still - in a mood to tease. Arg. I'm hearing horse-like giggles every few seconds and it's driving me up the wall.

And then I become aware of a pain in my tummy and I realise that all I've eaten today is 2 bananas and an apple (since I had to give up my lunch break to go to Durban), and the time is sitting at 15:30. All I want to do is go home and eat and sleep.

I feel terrible and I am NOT going to make excuses for it.

The little things

After having lunch every day, my husband and I usually have a lie down for a few minutes until I have to go back to work. This afternoon as I lay down, I came across a piece of paper that had been stashed under my pillow. Curiously I removed it. In big black letters my husband had written "I love you so much my angel", and all around in red he had written little words from "our" language, and words and phrases that warmed my heart. And as I looked at his familiar and handsome face, I felt close to tears, and I just couldn't help feeling incredibly lucky. I have the best man in the world. It's these little things that make our marriage extraordinary.

Unbelievable

I am still shocked at what happened on Saturday morning in the shop. It is just so unbelievable. There are actually people out there like that!

A couple came in with a list of books. The man said that he had phoned us and a guy had put one book aside for him as it was the last one. I gathered the other 4 books that they wanted together, but when I checked on the system, we had none of the one that he had said we had put aside for him. The weird thing was that the last time we sold one of those was in early March of this year.

I went back to him and said that we don't actually have the one book in stock. He immediately got defensive.

"But I phoned. Twice. He said it was the last one and put it aside for me. I've just driven for an hour and now you're telling me the book isn't here!"

"Who did you speak to?" I asked.

"I don't know who I spoke to! Someone that works here!"

My colleague (I will call him J) named all the employees and the customer was sure he had spoken to the one (I will call him T). We phoned T and he knew nothing about it. T's not stupid! He wouldn't tell a guy (twice!) that we have a book in stock that we don't.

For the next 10 minutes he shouted at us for not having the book in stock and how he had phoned especially, and his wife has to have the books for this course etc. J tried to tell them that we could try and get it from another branch for them, and then we would post it to them free of charge, but he wouldn't even allow J to even finish his sentences.

On a hunch I phoned the branch in Durban and the guy on the other line confirmed that a guy with that name had phoned for that specific book twice and they had reserved it for him.

Triumphantly I told the customer that the people in Durban had confirmed that he had spoken to them. To our horror and surprise, however, he just said:
"Now you tell me how I can dial an 033 number and get to Durban!"
(I don't know, maybe you're an idiot?!)
The cherry on top was when he said:
"You are in the same company. I don't care who I phoned. According to me the guy had the book in his hand and reserved it for me. Now you're telling me I drove all this way for nothing?"

J tried to make him see that he hadn't actually phoned this branch, thus could not blame us for anything, and couldn't expect his book to be here, as Durban and PMB are completely different branches. He just wouldn't see reason. Then his wife butted in and said: "You are not helping us at all!"
(Well maybe if you stopped arguing with us about something we didn't do we could come to some kind of resolution!).
And back the argument went to the whole How-do-I-dial-033-and-reach-Durban debate.
Exasperatedly, I said: "We're not lying to you about this!"

He looked at his wife and said it was her call whether to buy the rest of the books or not. She turned in a huff and they stormed out of here like Pamplona bulls.

J and I watched as they stormed in the wrong direction by mistake (hehehehe) and then had to turn around and storm in the right direction.

Unbelievable.

Curry

Even though I am risking scaring some people off, I just have to share this with the blogosphere. We had a wonderful, hot curry last night. My husband is an EXCELLENT cook, and he made the curry just right - delicious and just below the too hot mark. My constitution is, however, rather... sensitive. And today has left me with a slightly churning tummy and some unwanted... *Gnome whispers the word so that no-one else can hear* ... flatulence. This leaves me with 2 options. Keep it in or let it out.

*Gnome contemplates the utter discomfort of keeping it in and shudders at the thought of a bloated and sore tummy*

So this morning when I was doing the price changes in the stationery section, I found some temporary relief at the ring-bound files. To my horror, however, the little monster was not only silent but rather violent as well.

*Gnome cringes, very embarrassed*

Any one of my colleagues or customers that would be unfortunate enough to come near me would know that I had had curry last night! I prayed hard and waited for the monster to evaporate. Whew. I was lucky this time round...

And here I sit with a churning tummy, preparing myself for some uncomfortable hours before lunch, wondering whether I'm the only one that has a problem with these things at work...

Rediscovery

Even though this might surprise some that know me, I have never really been the reading type. I'm not like my mother who sometimes reads 2 or 3 books at once, or like a friend who has to have a book to read at all times. When we were younger I wasn't classified as the reading type like my sister, but more the loud, fat one. Both those attributes are (thankfully) not applicable anymore [not that there's anything wrong with being fat or loud, I just resent the labelling].

I have, however, had brief affairs with the printed word over the years. It was Nancy Drew, Sweet Valley and Secret Seven when I was younger. I was always fascinated by mysteries and thus would read Colin Dexter from time to time. For a few weeks in Grade 10 I discovered John Grisham and read about 5 novels in as many weeks (an achievement for me!). There was a bit of a drought after that, mostly due to school commitments. But it was Harry Potter that brought me back to the world of readers, if only for a brief time. After the Lord of the Rings movies, I tried my hand at the books (without much success), and Dan Brown captivated me for a few weeks.

But overall I have been in a bit of a slumber in the reading realm. More like a deep-sleep-winter-hibernation kind of absence. It's not that I don't think reading is important or even enjoyable; I guess it's just about time, priorities and overcoming that initial hurdle of picking up a book.

Since I have been working, especially now when work is quiet, there is only so much to do, and only so much time I can spend blogging, surfing the net and facebooking before I go insane and get square eyes. This has given me the opportunity to come out of hiding and hibernation and re-enter the world of the book. And what a ride! It started out with a book my sister gave me, "Captivating" (brilliant!), continued with the 6th Harry Potter book, and was followed by the 5th (which I have read before, but forgotten nearly everything). Then I ventured to those books that have been in my bookshelf for far too long and I have always wanted to read but "never got the chance"; and currently I'm slowly sifting through those that are simply there and I have never noticed before.

I hope this time the "reading summer" will last a little longer than those before...

Please no

I have nothing against singing. I love music and even sing in the church worship team. But sometimes it really grates my carrot when people sing to the radio when they're in company. By all means, sing in the shower, or with your brush in front of the mirror, or in front of your boyfriend or friends, but please please please don't sing in front of me when I'm trying to count money - especially when you can't reach the really high notes and then go spectacularly off key. It's just disturbing.

Fear

It being Tuesday, we grabbed the opportunity to see a half-price movie (R8!) last night. The only half-decent looking one that we hadn't yet seen (there's not much to do in Pietermaritzburg) was "Perfect Stranger". I wasn't all that keen, but after a short description that a friend had read in the newspaper, I was convinced it was worth the R 8. Overall I guess the movie wasn't too bad. It had a twist at the end that they didn't pull off very well, but it kept you watching.

Unfortunately, I am one of those extremely jumpy people. My husband likes to jump out at me sometimes when I least expect it. I scream as if being attacked and it takes another 5 minutes of sulking before I forgive him for yet another scare and a feeble "I didn't know you'd get such a fright." Being hijacked didn't help the situation, and I am still weary of men with their hands in their pockets. I have spells where I am so fearful, I don't even feel safe in my own bed. A few years ago I watched "The Ring" (stupid stupid stupid Gnome). And sometimes when I need the loo at night I am terrified when I wash my hands and look in the mirror - I keep expecting some woman to stare back at me. *SHUDDER*

Prayer does help, and so does my husband - he makes me feel safe - but sometimes this fear is paralysing.

Even though last night's movie wasn't even a horror, there was some hint of thrill and suspense in there. I walked out of the movie feeling uneasy and unsafe. I lay in bed tossing and turning, pictures from the movie replaying in my mind and only when my husband finally came to bed was I able to rest.

Friends of mine that will be away on the day the new Harry Potter book is released, asked me to fetch their pre-ordered book in exchange for being able to read it first (feel a bit bad, but can't resist this opportunity!). The book will be available at 1 a.m. on Saturday 21 July. My husband is out of town on that weekend, and I have been debating furiously in my head whether or not to risk driving to the mall alone at this ridiculous hour or wait til the morning. Bottom line is I'm too scared to go out alone at 1 in the morning. Am I being a little too paranoid here?

South Africa is the worst country to be living in if you're a little jumpy. I know. But you can't just isolate yourself, you have to be cautious to avoid being a victim of some crime. How much paranoia is enough? And how much can I trust God to protect me without being reckless? Is it wrong to worry about being attacked/raped/murdered? It just seems to me that it shouldn't be the norm. We shouldn't have to live in fear.

Ramblings

I find myself wishing for the second semester to start, so that work will be a little more interesting and a whole lot less boring. My husband and I went to the uni library last night to check if our theses had been put onto the shelf already. "Still processing". I remember the days when I would be in that library literally every day. Still trying to decide whether I miss studying or not. In a way it's nice to have the freedom of studying - get up late, work til the early hours of the morning, big career dreams still intact...

I shudder to think that I might have fallen into a rut. I mean, life is great to the naked eye. I have a wonderful husband, a warm bed to sleep in, a roof over my head, a few good genuine friends, an income... Could it be that money is the problem? Money can't buy you happiness. Right?

It would sure help though. Imagine we wouldn't have to count every penny and think 5 times before we go to the movies or have a drink. Imagine we could go out to dinner more than once every 2 months. Imagine we could go away for the weekend, or fly to Cape Town for a getaway, or buy a new outfit just because we're worth it. Imagine we could have lasagne whenever we feel like it, or buy butter instead of margarine and nice-smelling tile cleaner instead of using Handy Andy for everything.

*Gnome starts feeling sorry for herself and decides its better for her health to stop and think of the fact that she at least still has the luxury of a warm bed, an amazing husband and the prospect of warm meals during these cold days*

The Aussies have crossed the line

I was so shocked at the Australian rugby team this weekend. They are acting like children. Little, spoilt and nasty children. OK. So Jake White sends a B team over to Aus. Fair enough. But with good reason! Resting players for the world cup is his priority and his prerogative! They've been squealing for the whole week. Never mind the fact that the New Zealanders did the same thing. And the Aus cricket team did the same before the world cup last year! PLUS we nearly beat them on Saturday. I just couldn't believe how none of them wanted to even touch the Nelson Mandela Plate, as if it was a diseased turd. O H M Y G O O D N E S S. Grow up people. I so wish Nelson Mandela sees this and phones each of them individually and gives them a good talking to. This time they've really gone too far.

Library launch

An amount of insincerity is necessary in society. Imagine everyone would do and say what they wanted at any time. There would be chaos. But just because I understand it doesn't change the fact that I sometimes cringe at the utter insincerity of some things. Having to endure another boring function today - a library launch - was a great example of this. I didn't think that anything could be more boring than the function I attended on Wednesday, but it seems I was wrong. It should be criminal for a bunch of people to be so passionate about libraries (sorry mom). One very important lady in the Library world in SA spoke for a whole hour about the history of the library society.

*FAINT*

Half the speech was about how uninvolved the libraries are in the society and that they should get their act together. This was only one of the many speeches we had to endure. I'm sure this is all very interesting to those in the library industry, but not for us... The municipality representative looked almost as bored as I was, and this reflected in the way he laboured through his address - he did very badly at hiding this boredom as he said: "I am so thrilled to be here at this auspicious occasion". I don't think anyone believed him.

During the hour long address of the main speaker, many people unashamedly got up and walked out, depleting the already half-empty hall even further. With baited breathe we all waited for the "Librarian of the year" award to be bestowed on one dedicated candidate. This included a dramatic pause before the announcement that only "Strictly Come Dancing" presenters could ever rival.

At the end of this long and sordid affair, we heard a thank you address of another (at least) 15 minutes. All the speakers were thanked for their inspirational, moving and interesting words. HA! People walked out during their speeches for crying out loud! Such blatant insincerity. Just to be nice and polite and all that.
It really doesn't become me.

Grudges

Some people really like to hold grudges. I don't mean the you-cheated-on-me-and-lied-about-it grudge - that I can still understand. I'm also not talking about you-hurt-me-so-bad-I-can-never-forget-it grudge. I'm talking about we-had-an-argument-about-something-silly grudge that happened like 7 years ago when we were all silly and immature and 16 for goodness sake. It's like: get over it! Be the bigger person! And then the person in question still has the stupidity to say "I have grown up a whack since I was 16". Erm... Right. And this is how you prove your new-found maturity.

Against the grain

Some things just go against the grain. Like leaving food on your plate at a restaurant without taking it home, or having to throw away food that's still good. I can only throw food away when it's really bad already. I discovered something else today that goes against the grain. Our shop often returns books that are out of print. The publisher instructed us, this time, to only send the cover and title pages and leave the rest. As I'm watching my colleague rip the insides of the book out I just can't help thinking it's just not right. All the effort and money that went into writing, printing, publishing and shipping the book, and now it is just being ripped out and used in a bonfire for all I know! It's just wrong. When my husband lays down a book (open) on its pages I preach to him about how it damages the spine, and scramble to find a bookmark and rescue it before it's too late.

Mom: your lessons and warnings on how to treat books correctly have definitely been ingrained in me forever.

Food makes up for it

Food makes up for it, regardless of how crap a situation is. That's my opinion anyway. Went to another dull book launch in Durbs today. I knew the day was gonna be a good one (food-wise) when my manager offered me biltong at 9:08 this morning, and I greedily accepted. We were welcomed at the book launch with a wonderful cup of tea and a scone with jam and cream (delish).

I was just getting excited about the prospect of an interesting morning, shoving my free sling-book-bag with freebies under the table when the national manager's "short" speech dragged on like old chewing gum. This was the start of 3 whole hours of mind-numbingly boring information about books that target those outside of our target market. The so-called orange juice was disgustingly sweet and even the endearmints on the table only kept me occupied for so long.

It was really turning out to be painful. We were thanked at the end of the 3 hours by a rep who "couldn't find the words to thank us enough". I know she was just sucking up to us because she wanted our business, but it was nevertheless nice to pretend to be appreciated for enduring 3 hours of extreme boredom. And then only because we knew there was a hearty lunch waiting for us.

And was it hearty. They had everything from macaroni cheese, to briyani, chicken, roast pork, potatoes, fish, stew, curry, creamed spinach, butternut, gravy, all different kinds of salads, and free drinks at the bar. As we sat their enjoying our meal in silence, I clean forgot about the preceding 3 hours of pain, but was instead in food heaven. To end off a wonderful meal I had some deliciously creamy chocolate mousse and fruit salad with ice cream.

Ah. Food makes up for anything.

Marriage and relationships revisited

My husband and I have been watching how marriages of friends are slowly falling apart around us. It's scary. People so often seem to choose the wrong life partners. Or maybe they choose partners for the wrong reasons. People are getting married later and later in their lives. You see people in their 30s that are still single. Maybe this is why they rush into something? The mere thought of staying on the shelf is too ghastly to contemplate that they would rather marry the wrong person (or their 3rd or 4th choice) than be single.

We've noticed that often people enter into relationships because the other person makes them feel good and needed, a self-confidence booster as it were. I'm not saying my husband doesn't do these things for me, but first and foremost I am totally and utterly in love with the person that he is. I love spending time with him because I love his heart and his soul, his personality, his wisdom, his mind: everything about him. The fact that he makes me feel good and is a confidence-booster for me is an added bonus, but it is not the reason I am with him.

I think people often confuse this issue. They think they love the person for who he/she is, but it is actually just the person making them feel good and needed. Tragically this eventually becomes clear later in marriage when the initial honeymoon phase has faded away, and all you're left with is the other person.

Before entering into a serious relationship I think it is important to know yourself at least a little bit. Know where your strengths and weaknesses are so you can introspect about what you're really feeling about a person. Is it just exciting or ego-boosting to be receiving some attention, or are you really falling in love with who this person is? I know they say opposites attract, but when it comes to core morals and values, I think this couldn't be further from the truth. Eventually this catches up with you, and either partner will have to change their values and morals for the better (or worse).

Even though you can't choose your family and there is often conflict with the in-laws, the feedback from your friends and family is crucial. If people that know you very well are weary about your relationship (especially if it's not only one person that disapproves but a few), take some time to listen to them. They are probably doing so because they care about you, and not because they want to be malicious. And either your friends don't know you well, or you're with the wrong person.

It really makes me sad to see good people's lives turned upside down after only a few years of marriage. Great people that are just with the wrong partner that brings out the worst in them. I know what it's like to be in a bad relationship. By the grace of God I got out of there in time. Many friends disapproved, and I knew in my heart it was wrong. But only when I was ready to face this truth did I manage to get out. Some people only realise this truth way into the relationship: when they're married and have children. And then it's too late.

Email blunder

Got an email from my manager today. This is what it said: "Thanks SWEATY, your efforts are noted". I'm glad she notices that I work so hard, it makes me sweaty... LOL.

Goodness

What drives people to be good? Or are we inherently good? Reading Mrs M's blog about morality and values made me think about this. With Christians I can understand it - inspired by Jesus and following God's laws; love your neighbour as you love yourself etc. But what sort of paradigm do those use that are atheists? I was very interested to hear that Zackie Achmat from the Treatment Action Campaign is actually an atheist. He has done more than a lot of Christians combined (me included - ouch!). Where does he get this sense of compassion and goodness from? Is it just about treating others with respect and treating them like you want to be treated? Is it just about basic human rights? Or do we learn how to treat others from our parents and those around us? That seems a little too simple though, and a cop-out for evil people. We always have a choice. Maybe it's that good people are touched by God but they just don't ascribe it to Him...?