Wednesday, 31 October 2007

Flying high

Flying used to be a pretty novel and exciting exercise. But with the inception of low cost airlines like Kulula, 1time and Mango it's become pretty run of the mill. So normal, in fact, that I find it rather boring and just a means to an end. I even have a list of things that irk me about flying.

1.) When people push and shove to board the plane. Guys, you have a RESERVED seat. Believe it or not, you have a space in this plane. YOU WILL NOT BE LEFT BEHIND.

2.) When you have asked for a window seat, and some idiot has decided that he deserves to sit at the window even though he checked in after you, and you actually deserve the window seat, but you're too nice to make a fuss over a view that you only indulge in at take off and landing anyway.

3.) The same dude that stole your window seat wants to go to the loo just after you have made yourself comfortable. When flying with Mango, this means having to get up and wait in the aisle for the dude to finish his business. So annoying.

4.) That there are still people out there who don't switch off their electronic devices during the flight. People, this could interfere with the electronic equipment of the plane. Obviously they don't get that this might make us crash. Crash = dead. Hello?! Priorities people.

5.) I can't imagine that there are still people that don't know how to fasten their seat belts. Even if you're not a seasoned flier, it's really not that higher grade. Click. And lift buckle to undo. If you have a problem, call the flight attendant. If you managed to book your flight online, the seat belt should be child's play.

6.) The fact that people unfasten their seat belts BEFORE the seat belt sign has been switched off and the aircraft has come to a complete standstill. Surely they say these things for your safety? Either way, it irks me that people just don't LISTEN.

Tuesday, 30 October 2007

Easy post

Had the most amazing extended weekend in Cape Town. Got up at 4 this morning to catch an early flight, and now get to be at work until 5. My response time is impaired accordingly. So I've opted for a reasonably easy post today... Thanks Toby for the tag.

1.When is the last time you held hands with someone? Probably this morning with my husband on the plane.

2. You wake up as the opposite gender, what’s the first thing you do? Faint.

3. Have you ever climbed out a window? I can't recall off-hand, but I'm sure I have sometime in my life...

4. Where is your mum? In Cape Town.

5. Morning or night person? Mmh... More morning than night nowadays, but not early morning.

6. What was the last movie you watched? In the cinema the last I watched was Ratatouille. On the weekend I watched some of Napoleon Dynamite (before I feel asleep).

7. Do you have a crush on anyone right now? My husband...?

8. Any cool scars? I have a "volcano" on my head from measles.

9. Things about the opposite sex you notice first? Not anything specific (physically). Probably if they are shy/outgoing.


10. What do you do when no one is watching? Fart. And blog. And Facebook. Sometimes all at once.

11. Ever been in love? YES. Still am.

12. What’s something your friends make fun of you for? My slight dislike of children, and the fact that I speak German.

13. What is your curfew? My husband demands me home at 5pm :)

14. Would you ever dye your hair red? Been there, done there. Got the photos to prove it.

15. You + alcohol = talkative

16. What’s your worst personality flaw? I trust too easily.

17. What career would you wish to be in? One which fulfils me.

18. Which country would you like to visit? Italy.

19. Do you want a well paying job or a job you enjoy? Definitely one I enjoy, but there must be some money involved. A good balance...

20. Do you wish to have the same best friends when you’re older? Mostly yes.

21. Do you believe in needing a religion? Absolutely.

22. What did you wear today? Wearing black pants and work shirt.

23. When were you last on the phone? Probably about 20 minutes ago.

24. What shoes did you wear today? Black closed shoes.

25. Do you like maths? Not complicated school maths. But financial maths is cool.

26. What about history? I only did it up to the end of Grade 9. Wasn't my favourite to be honest.

27. Have you ever seen 5 squirrels at one time? I think so - at the Company Gardens.

28. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? With much effort. And only if I push my nose into a more reachable position. And then I end up with gob all over.

29. Do you have a brother? Nope.

30. Who’s your favourite person to talk to? My husband, Mrs M, my sister, God.

31. Have you ever used ‘photobucket’? No.

32. Do you like hugs? Bring it on.

33. Do you want to be a doctor? No thanks.

34. Have you ever fallen asleep with gum in your mouth? Not that I can recall.

35. What’s the first thing you do in the morning? Take my pillules.

36. Do you brush your teeth everyday? Every day. Twice. I now have a toothbrush with a tongue cleaner. I use it diligently.

37. Would you date a girl/guy with hair longer than yours? If my husband had long hair I would still love him if that's what's implied.. But I guess in principle I'm not that into long hair on men.

38. Do you want to be famous? Definitely not.

39. Do you spend a lot of time contemplating life’s causes? Sometimes...

40. Do you do your own laundry? Unfortunately yes. I hate it. I don't iron. Ever.

41. Whats the last thing you Drank? Water.

42. Last song you sang? "Africa" by Toto. Such a singable tune.

43. Last person you hugged? My husband.

44. Last thing you laughed at? I laugh a lot. I think I laughed something my colleague said. Can't remember what it was even...

45. Last time you cried? Can't really remember. Maybe a few weeks ago?

46. What colour are your bed sheets? White.

47. What colour is the carpet in your bedroom? Don't have carpets.

48. What’s under your bed? Lots and lots of dust.

49. What time did you wake up today? 4:15 am. *YAWN*

50. Current annoyance? Hunger. Tiredness. Phones.

51. Current desktop background? A photo of my husband and I sharing a joke on a picnic. Very cute.

Anyone who feels like it, consider yourselves tagged.

Wednesday, 24 October 2007

Awful

I’m really feeling awful today. I think this stress has finally taken its toll. All this worrying about medical aids, holiday days, my husband’s well-being, my husband’s illness… I was fine until after lunch yesterday. Maybe it was the aircon in the shop as well. And this stupid weather. In the morning it’s hot, and then by lunchtime it’s pouring and hailing. I’m just so tired. Physically, emotionally, spiritually… Feels like I’m slurring my speech. Could be all the meds I took this morning. My limbs just feel so heavy. Everything seems an effort. Lifting the phone, smiling at customers… Even eating my apple. I had trouble falling asleep last night. It was really painful to swallow. Today that’s a little better, but I’m just feeling spaced. And tired. And heavy. And listless...

Monday, 22 October 2007

VICTORY!

It’s really all everyone’s talking about at the moment. Every blog I’ve read today had something to do with the victory. Oh it was just so awesome. I sat on the edge of my seat for 80 minutes. I had a dry mouth and was filing my nails so profusely I’m surprised there’s still something left of them. When the final whistle blew we sat in silence for a few seconds before we screamed. It was just so surreal. We drove through the streets (took a while to find some life – this is PMB after all), and hooted at each other, screamed and waved.

Wow. What a rush! Flags and people hanging out of car windows. I giggled with glee every time a fellow South African returned our hooting. It was as though we suddenly all just knew each other. A great big family. This nation has so much spirit, so much joy, so much to offer… For once the differences were forgotten and all cultures celebrated together for one common reason. It was just magic. It’s at times like these where I really see how the scourge of crime is spoiling an otherwise incredible nation.

Being in the shops on Sunday I heard so many conversations between shop employees about where they had been the night before, how they celebrated, how wonderful the victory and the vibe had been… This nation is on such a high right now.

My personal high is a little over-shadowed by my sick husband. He really is miserable and suffering at the moment. It’s terrible when you see the person that you love more than anyone else in the world suffering, and you are powerless to do anything about it. He’s been booked off for a week. I hope he recovers before our weekend to Cape Town. I swear its stress causing all this. My husband has been seriously ill (I don’t mean sick-but-still-able-to-work kind of sick. I mean seriously-ill-in-bed-booked-off kind of sick) 3 times this year already. That’s just not normal. Something’s wrong here…

So a friend of a friend got married on Saturday afternoon. They left the wedding ceremony at 19:30. I had to wonder what they were doing at 21:00. I mean, it was their wedding night after all... But also the rugby world cup final… Decisions decisions…

Friday, 19 October 2007

Go Bokke

I don't think there's a South African in the world today that is not feeling at least a little bit patriotic. I think it's great. It's not often that we can be proudly South African. Looks like most South Africans have gotten into the spirit of things. We even got to wear a rugby shirt (green/white/gold shirt) to work today. What fun. And we had our faces painted.
It would just be so wonderful if we win. I think for a few hours at least we will suddenly feel proud, patriotic, and undivided. United. Wow. A united South Africa at last.

Go Bokke!!

Husband Antics

I should have known from the naughty look in his eyes. I should have known from the way he urged me to switch the light off so quickly. I really should know my husband by now. But I genuinely didn't expect a thing until my elbow connected with a soft, cold fabric, and a noise frightened me. I let out a yelp. It was only when my husband's near hysterical laughter reached my ears that I realised it was all planned. Cold, calculated and deliberate. And I fell for it beautifully.

My husband really loves his new whoopee cushion.

Wednesday, 17 October 2007

First impressions

I often wonder how people perceive me. Like, on a first meeting. What do they think of me? Do they think I am pretty? Do they think I am intelligent? Do they think I am shy? Or funny? Or maybe they think I have a really strange nose, or curly hair. [Maybe they're too busy trying to make an impression themselves that they don't really give that much thought to me in the first place] Man. I would love to get into somebody else's head to see what they think of me at first meeting. I would be fascinated to see how right or terribly wrong they are.

My husband was saying to me last night how he never would have dreamed that I would turn out the way I am (that sounds confusing...). When he first met me he thought I was this shy, clever, decent girl. I mean, I am those things... But I can also be boisterous, loud, and believe it or it, I fart and burp quite regularly (and rather enjoy doing so too).

I wonder what people that happen to stumble upon this blog think of Gnome? How much of the real me comes through in my blog? To be entirely honest, I don't let it all hang out on the blog (like some fellow bloggers). I do like to keep some sort of distance. But nonetheless, I write from the heart. I wonder how much of my real heart is visible to the stranger out there.

I think what I am trying to get at is that I actually really hope that all my insecurities don't show in face-to-face first impressions, and that the real me shines through all the grimy and tedious small talk. I hope that I seem like a person who's got it all together. Someone who is a little shy, but not completely socially disabled. I hope it shows that I love God, believe in Jesus, and in love, and that I have a good heart. I hope it shows that I always try to be as non-judgemental and accepting as possible. I hope it shows that I am (overall) a happy and positive person. I hope it shows that I can be trusted...

Tuesday, 16 October 2007

9780195783292

9780636071827 9781415400241 9780521694537 9781919769462

Translation: I don’t think I can see another 13 digit ISBN number. I have done pages and pages of quotes, with pages and pages of 13 digit ISBN numbers. It’s all I can think about. I don’t even have to look at the keyboard anymore. My fingers just automatically know where to go.

*Gnome wonders if this newly acquired skill might become her claim to fame somewhere in the future… “Gnome holds the Guiness World Record for the longest list of 13 digit ISBN numbers correctly typed, without looking at the keyboard”… *

So we’ve been thinking about what to do for our office Christmas Party. It’s always such an issue. You need to do something that will please everyone. Some people want to get together with our colleagues from Durban for a braai. Others just want to have a quiet dinner. Others don't care, but just want to drink. Others think that we should do something fun and exciting – eating together seems like a rather boring endeavor to them.

And this with only 6 of us in the office. What do big companies do? Somebody probably just makes an executive decision.

I don’t particularly mind what we do for the office Christmas Party, I just hope that I will find someone to have a decent chat with. Not that I don’t get on with my colleagues, but that’s really all they are to me: colleagues. We work together and that’s about it. I’m not sure how to handle “social interactions” with them… I guess I’ll have to worry about that when the time comes.

That’s my trial philosophy for the week (still seeing if it works…). “Worry about it when the time comes”. Turns out there’s quite a lot to be concerned about at the moment. We’ve been planning our January 2008 holiday for months now (it’s our 1 year wedding anniversary, and a friend’s wedding). We’re heading to the Garden Route. We’ve booked accommodation (paid a deposit and all), saved up diligently every month, and are seriously looking forward to our first real holiday together.

But now it seems that January is out for taking time off. It’s the busy season. Plus the shop might close in December, for which our carefully saved up holiday days will be sacrificed. Seems like there’s not much choice in the matter. I’m not sure why I’m so calm… I pleaded with my manager who said she will see what she can do. I have decided that I will take unpaid leave if necessary. Come hell or high water, we are going on holiday. And it’s gonna be the best holiday ever.

So yesterday I was watching some of the survivors of the military disaster speak out. A lady who had lost her arm was being visited by a senior officer. She asked him what had gone wrong. When he didn't have an answer, she said (a bit in despair): "Look, I have lost my arm!" With a cold expression, and a shrug of the shoulders he said: "That’s the nature of our job."
How do you say that to someone who has lost their arm…!?!?

My mother-in-law is visiting at the moment. Contrary to usual monster, uh, mother-in-laws, mine is just wonderful. And she doesn't mind doing the dishes. And she is a marvellous cook. And she loves buying me earrings. And she raised a wonderful son.

Thursday, 11 October 2007

All grown up

Sometimes I hate being grown up. I am now that which I never thought I would become. Someone with a job. Someone who earns a salary. Someone who has to make important life decisions. Someone grown up. I deal with our finances, I get to decide whether we can afford something or not. I liaise with other people in the industry, I deal with other grown ups, and I am treated with respect - like a grown up should be treated. I have a signature on my email, my own medical aid card, and I run my own household. And I have my very own husband.

Today I just want to be small again. I want to go home and play until dinner time. I don't care what we have for supper. And then I want to beg for something nice for dessert, and (eventually) get what I want. I don't want to have to worry about the dishes, or the state of the house.

I don't want to have to worry about the new medical aid we're getting since our company was sold. I don't want to have to think that I can only join them if my ID document comes from Home Affairs, and that in the mean time we'll be sitting without any medical coverage. I don't want to have to worry about the fact that I attached my expired temporary ID in the hope that they will miss the expiry date. I don't want to have to worry about whether we chose the right option or not, or that the company won't pay the 50% share that they are legally obliged to pay (if they don't, we won't have enough money to live).

I don't want to have to worry about the fact that my future study endeavours (= my future in general) are in the hands of some Home Affairs official (who is probably twiddling his thumbs), since you can't register without your ID Document. I don't want to have to worry about money anymore. I don't want to have to lie awake in the evenings doing sums in my head.

I want to be carefree. I want someone to tuck me into bed and dream about sweets and sun and holidays and love and bunnies.

Wednesday, 10 October 2007

Enough

I wish I could give a certain someone a piece of my mind right now. And a slap.

I've really had enough.

This whole year a certain individual has been the cause of most of my husband's lamentations. I'd forgive you for (initially) thinking that it's maybe something he has done, or his attitude towards things, but the other people who are in the same situation as he is, feel exactly the same. Unmotivated, treated like school children, undermined, unsupported, and most importantly spiritually malnourished (in other words, bloody spiritually starving).

This whole year I've had to sit by and watch how this individual slowly but surely chips away at my husband's self esteem. I have even confronted this person about this issue, but somehow the blame was diverted. The worst part is that I just don't think that this person gets it. I don't think she grasps that she might be doing something harmful. We've tried to explain, but to no avail.

I am just so frustrated right now. I've had enough. I want this abuse to stop. I want her to know what we're going through - what my husband is going through, what I am going through. I want to make her see that what she says actually hurts. I want her to be in my husband's shoes; in mine.

I've been praying for a long time for God to change her heart. I'm so ready for God to answer my prayers right now.

Tuesday, 09 October 2007

It matters to me

People often say "Don't worry about what others think of you!", or "Why do you pay so much attention to what other people say about you?".

They make it sound so very easy. I find it very hard. Actually impossible a lot of the time.

Regardless of how good I feel about myself, my abilities, my choices and decisions, if someone (almost anyone) questions any of these, it matters. Things that I am convinced of, in which I am rooted, suddenly seem shaky*. I try to think back to times when I had such surety about these things. Suddenly I'm not so sure anymore. What was it again that made this so real, tangible and true for me? I find it especially hard to try to defend my choices and abilities. Even if what the person is saying is utterly ridiculous and just has no base in truth whatsoever, I am still taken aback for a while.

Only after I've discussed it with my husband, and thought it through a couple of times do I come to the realisation that they were, in fact, wrong.

What I do find rather curious is that when it's a compliment that I am given, it doesn't carry nearly as much weight as a criticism or a negative comment. For weeks, months (sometimes even years) I've carried around certain negative comments. Most days they are invisible - often buried deep as if they're not even there. It's only on certain days that they seem to haunt me again.

And that's when the comments come. "Don't worry about what others think about you! Don't pay attention to what they say!".

It's just not that easy folks.

Granted, I have gotten much better over the years. There were times in my life when my entire self esteem was built and depended on external sources. Imagine! I felt good when someone complimented me, I felt bad when someone (anyone) as much as breathed a comment that I could construe into something negative (10 to 1, it was probably not even meant that way). It was an emotional roller coaster from day to day. The unsurety of it all. When I look back now I see how unstable it all was. I am so much more rooted now. I know myself a lot better, and actually believe in myself enough to be able to assess the situation, and make up my mind as to whether this is something I want to listen to, assimilate and act upon or not.

But not before it has shaken things up a little. My mind likes to think the best of others, but always the worst of myself at first.

Recently, people really seem to be questioning what I have planned for the future. Immediately afterwards, I always seem to experience a bit of a dip. But after thinking about it, and discussing it with (wonderful-and-always-willing-to-listen-to-my-moaning) hubby, I realise that the people making the comments don't know me very well, and don't know where I am at: emotionally, spiritually, cognitively.

I guess the longer you live, the more time you have to deal with your insecurities, and discover who you really are, without having to depend on feedback from other people...

*The ONLY things in my life that cannot be shaken are my faith and my decision to marry my husband.

Monday, 08 October 2007

Butternut soup for the soul

I might as well be living in London.

You would never say this is South Africa in spring. Real soup weather. If only I could find a decent butternut soup recipe. I have been craving butternut soup since the last spell of rainy weather. I went through ALL our recipes books at home, and found no decent recipe. Today I have been on the Net for hours trying to locate a nice one, but they're all funny - either American (with funny ingredients), or they've got apple in it (apple in soup?!), or it's a whole long list of ingredients. I've really been on so many sites. Does no one have a simple butternut soup recipe for me? My mom has a brilliant one, but I am almost sure she is not at home*.

What is the Internet for, if not for THIS very reason.

Someone get me a SIMPLE butternut soup recipe!

Obviously the word "simple" is not very well known to your average butternut soup recipe inventor. All these recipes that claim to be "simple" have the most ingredients of all! And weird ones like leeks and fresh coriander. I'm looking for a simple one, people. Who has leeks lying around? Or fresh coriander growing in their garden? And no. Jamie Oliver does not count.

Maybe we should just have pea soup.

Oh wait.

I don't have a recipe for that either.

*As I feared, she is, in fact, not there (in my desperation I have even risked making private calls to Cape Town from work just to get a damn recipe for butternut soup...).

Friday, 05 October 2007

Why

Why do people not return phone calls?

Why do you have to lean on people for days before they get back to you?

Why does chocolate have to be so fattening?

Why is PMB weather so erratic today?

Why does prestic get sticky after you've played with it for too long?

Why do I feel like a whale the one day, and the next like I've never been slimmer?

Why am I scared of people in authority?

Why does my deodorant let me down at the end of the day, even though it promises not to?

Why do people use each other?

Why do people wearing hats always drive slowly?

Why do we never know what to make for dinner?

Why oh WHY does East Coast Radio ALWAYS play the SAME songs over and over and over again?

Thursday, 04 October 2007

All in a day's work

So one of the big bosses was here for the past few days. I've quite enjoyed it - all of a sudden everyone was keen to work for a change. We all managed to find something to do for 3 days and somehow feign a stringent work ethic. Now it's back to slacking. Oh and we heard that Facebook activity gets monitored by the company, and if you're on it too long you get a letter of warning... No skin off my back really. I'm on Facebook maybe 5 minutes of every day. But I guess with my luck it'll be exactly the 5 minutes they monitor me...

As long as they don't catch me for blogging too much.

For some strange reason the big boss has taken a liking to me. Maybe because I help out his Direct Sales Consultant a lot - I process her orders, invoice out her client's books, check if her orders have come in etc. He kept saying to me how much potential I have, and that I shouldn't be here, I should be looking for greener pastures etc. Now, don't get me wrong, I really appreciate that he said that - it's nice to know that my potential is something tangible for others, but at the same time I feel like people just don't understand. I have chosen this road (as much as I have denied it in the past, this was a choice), and I really don't see the point in starting something new when we are moving away from PMB early next year anyway - I think it'll just look bad on my CV - chopping and changing companies every few months. Plus I think I am actually happy at the moment. Yah - probably in a bit of a comfort zone, but I do have a plan. I don't think I am being unfair to myself and my potential by being here right now. It IS teaching me something. I think I just get a little uptight when people don't seem to respect that.

Anyway.

We got a letter today from a guy in Ghana. He was applying for a job. It was really quite sweet. He had quite a broken English, and a rather crude handwriting. He claimed to have enclosed "testi monials" and school grades, but there was nothing. What was really hilarious, though, was that he had written this letter on July 1 2007, responding to an advert for a post at the shop dating back to 26 February 2006... I know this is Africa people, but damn. This gives a new meaning to "African Time". Does he really think the post will still be available after a year and a half?!? Even though we had a good laugh at this bloke, I did feel a little sorry for him. He did seem quite desperate...

All in a day's work I guess.

Wednesday, 03 October 2007

Jackie who?

I'm on the brink of not watching ETV news anymore. They just can't say "Jackie Selebi" like it's supposed to be said. It's not Jackie Sel-i-bi, folks, it's Jackie Sel-e-bi. Weird thing is they ALL do it! I think they were briefed on the pronunciation beforehand. Probably by some ignorant white person.

*SIGH*

Issues

Don't you hate recurring issues? I do. Not necessarily in others, but in myself. When I think about my life and the times when I've had "issues", it usually boils down to the same thing.

I wonder if all people are like this...

The bottom line is always the same. There are one or two things in my life that are the root of all of my issues. No matter how different the presenting problem is, the deep issue is the same. It's all about love and acceptance isn't it. Whether it's relationship problems, self-esteem issues, any other insecurities - the bottom line is that I am scared of being rejected (not accepted), and not being loved.

I think I have just solved the world's problems.

Tuesday, 02 October 2007

Did you miss me?

Feels like I haven't blogged in ages. My absence has been due to a number of reasons. Firstly I think I am currently suffering from a mild case of blogger's block. Yip. I just cannot seem to find anything profound or exciting or interesting to write about. Or maybe all the profound stuff that I want to write about is not something I necessarily want to share with the entire blogosphere. Nonetheless, I hope this will pass soon...

To add to that I was off work for a couple of days last week, entertaining my family who came to visit for a few days. And then, in a surprising twist of fate, work has actually been busy. "Busy" is quite a loose term, though, and includes chatting to friends online and uploading photos on Facebook. So there. But I don't need to make any excuses to anybody anyway. Right? I am doing this for me. This is Gnome's Gnomeland in which Gnome can do as Gnome pleases.

Blah blah blah. Am I waffling?

So I'm sure you are all dying to know what happened to my performance appraisal. Are you? Or have you already forgotten? HA. Well either way I'm gonna tell you. It went super well. My boss is really pleased with me, and I jumped up from a 2.4 (out of 5) to a 4.1 (out of 5)! Yay for hard-working Gnome. I really am chuffed with myself. I tried to peek at the other people's scores (nothing like a little healthy competition), but only caught a slight glimpse of a 3.something somewhere (WOOHOO). Whatever my colleagues' scores were, at least I beat myself - hands down.

So the time with my family was just so wonderful. We had the coolest day on Friday (it was finally sunny) - packed with activities from morning til night. I really like being around my family. They're really some of the only people I can truly be myself around. Most of the time anyway. I am, however, enjoying peeing with the door open, having fart contests with my husband whenever we feel like it, and walking around naked* again now that they're gone.

The only less desirable side effect was that the time with my relatives was one big FEAST. Instant gratification, delayed depression. It all went pear-shaped when they arrived and we scoffed pizza for dinner (got a great deal at Scooters - 5 large pizzas for R 105, since one lady - who was vegetarian - ordered Hawaiian [with HAM] by mistake)**. It was just downhill from there. Chocolates, cheese, more chocolates and more cheese. Picnics with cheese and chocolates for dessert. I think you get the picture. And we went out for dinner. And conveniently didn't have time to run in the evenings. So this week, people, I am eating less. No chocolates and cheese. Had a piece of cake on Monday though... Right. Starting today. Or maybe tomorrow. Still have some chocolates to finish...

*The journey from the bathroom to the bedroom is but a short one.
**Did you know that Debonaires doesn't seem to have BANANAS on their pizzas anymore?! I am totally never going to Debonaires ever again. Bananas on pizza rock.