Friday, 31 August 2007

PTSD (or something)

Yesterday I was sitting at my desk, willing the time to hurry up a little, when all of a sudden there was a loud noise outside. I realised it was someone hooting. Incessantly. Students were running past the shop and there was a panic in the air. My first thought was that there had been an accident. But we ran outside and panicked students were shouting something about a hijacking.

I felt the adrenalin rush through my veins and my heart started beating faster and faster. We found out a few minutes later that a girl had been speaking on her cell phone and a guy had come up behind her and just grabbed her cell phone out of her hand. He’d sped off in a red car.

The girl was bordering on hysterical. She was crying and crying, she couldn’t even remember her own cell phone number. I wanted to hug her and tell her that I know exactly how she feels*. We were very nearly standing in the spot where I was hijacked.

At that moment (minutes after the crime) you just feel so overwhelmed. You just want to cry and cry. Partly because you’re so relieved that nothing worse happened, but mostly because you feel violated. Someone has come into your personal, intimate, private space and has violated your sense of security, and has done something that has stripped you of your power. Completely. You feel drained and vulnerable. The crime fills your thoughts – you can think of nothing else, and you replay it in your mind, over and over again.

The criminals think it’s just a cell phone that they’re stealing. But it’s so much more than that. For the next few months (sometimes even years) this girl (and others like her; me!) will be afraid to walk around by herself – anywhere. She will be scared to speak on her cell phone. She will be weary of all men (suspicious-looking or not). She’ll probably be scared of everyone for a while.

Only after months will she be able to walk on campus feeling reasonably safe again. And every time another crime happens in this road, she will relive her terrible experience. This is a scar that stays forever.

*I didn’t though, fearing that she might not be receptive to some random stranger who supposedly knows how she feels.

Losses

Today is someone’s birthday. Someone I care for a lot. Or cared for, at one stage.

We have many friends that come and go in our lives, but only one or two are really really good friends. I mean, a stay-up-with-you-while-you-cry kind of friend. A friend that will go to the 24 hour garage and buy chocolate for you in her PJs at 3 in the morning, and then eat it with you while listening to you moping and being depressed about a guy (that she doesn’t even like). A friend that will drop everything to be there for you, a friend that will help you finish your varsity assignment (even if it means staying up until the early hours of the morning), a friend that understands how you feel, a friend that really listens to you, a friend that knows all the skeletons in your closet and loves you still, a friend that really wants to know what’s happening in your life (from the big stuff to the really insignificant things), a friend that makes you laugh until your tummy hurts, a friend that laughs when you fart and doesn’t get embarrassed, a friend you can pee in front of…

I think you know what I mean. Either you are lucky enough to have someone like that, or you long for someone…

I used to have a friend like that. But in one fateful weekend it all went up in smoke. It all went pear-shaped when I didn’t really approve of the guy that she was with. A master manipulator. I hadn’t seen her for months, and was looking forward to an extended nightly chat about what we had gone through in the past few months, but he somehow convinced her not to spend any alone-time with me. They actually even went off to the pub the day we arrived – leaving us to “recover from the long trip”. The whole weekend we felt so out of place – it was like she was a different person. I finally plucked up the courage to put these things down in an email after we had left, and her response was devastating. Instead of trying to see the value of what I had written, she attacked me verbally, using all my deepest hurts that I had trusted her with against me. She said I was wallowing in self-pity, and that I was ungrateful, and loved to be friends with “problem cases”.

I was reeling. This friendship of over 5 years that I thought could withstand anything (we had been through a lot together; we had even lived together), crumbled in one weekend, because of a guy that she had known for 3 months. In the mean time she has married this guy. Our friendship has been over for more than a year now, but still, not a day goes by where I don’t think of her. Despite the fact that she hurt me to my deepest core, I still miss her. Even on the best of days.

Happy birthday, H.

Thursday, 30 August 2007

Generosity

As you might have picked up by now, my husband and I are definitely not rolling in it. We mostly struggle. Not badly: we always have food on the table. But so-called luxuries such as clothes, shoes, butter (as opposed to marg), honey, restaurant dinners, take-aways, fixing the car etc are just not on the cards. Appliances, furniture, or anything remotely related to these categories is something we don't even waste thoughts on.

Most of the time we are content with what we've got, and realise that there are so many out there that have less than we do. Obviously at times we wish we had money to do nice things, spoil each other, go on weekends away, or just go out to dinner more often, but we know that the day will come when we will be able to afford nicer things (hopefully sooner rather than later!).

A golden opportunity presented itself last week at our church bazaar: a raffle, with the prize being a wonderfully shiny new DVD player. We had made the mistake to buy a really cheap DVD player last year which broke after only a few weeks' use. Since then our nightly entertainment has been limited to SABC 3 and rerun movies on E (Godzilla for the hundredth time)*.

My husband bought 2 raffle tickets of R 5 each, and since only 40 raffles had been sold, we had a 1 in 20 chance of winning it. We were trying not to get our hopes up, but as soon as the announcement was made, we were a little crestfallen. One of our fellow Young Adults had won it with a single ticket.

So last night, having completely forgotten about what could have been, I innocently followed the DVD winner to her car after Young Adults. I was completely perplexed as to why we were making this trip. But as soon as she opened her boot, it suddenly dawned on me. She held the DVD player out to me (still neatly packed up in its box) and said: I want you guys to have this.

At first I said no**. But of course she had made up her mind already. After some teary thank yous and hugs, the DVD player was mine.

I drove home on cloud nine, and when I broke the news to my husband, he was overwhelmed and speechless. We had only met the generous DVD giver a few weeks ago, but despite not really knowing us at all, she saw our need and gave. Freely.

I can't not believe that God is behind this little scheme. God creates opportunities; people that listen to Him act on them. This experience has given me more than just a DVD player. It has given me a boost in my faith in people, in God, in beauty, in happiness, in life.

I bet, generous DVD giver, that you didn't know how much this has really meant to us.

Thank you.

*Needless to say, we have many an early night.
**Even though I wanted the thing so badly! But you know - manners and all that.

Wednesday, 29 August 2007

Social phobia

Before I met my husband, I thought I must be the only person on the planet that deliberately tries to avoid people in public places (mostly shopping centres), just to stay away from embarrassing one minute pointless conversations. Obviously I was wrong. Together, my husband and I go to great lengths to duck & dive in the aisles of Checkers (or whatever shop we are in at the time), intensely and animatedly discussing the pros and cons of oven baked chips, just to avoid being detected.

One unfortunate incident happened in the aisles of Pick 'n Pay. We hurried away from the clutches (and eyes) of an irritating fellow student, who just does not shut up (plus he has this annoying habit of bumming lifts off you at the most inconvenient times), but this hawk eye had seen us and finally tracked us down (he followed us all the way to the detergents aisle!), rudely interrupting our important dialogue about toilet cleaners.

Just yesterday, while shopping, my husband was caught off-guard by his (ex) landlord. I had thankfully gone looking for some juice, and when I saw (from a distance) what was happening, I spent the next 10 minutes closely investigating the frozen fish (found some good specials too).

And then today, a guy walked into the shop looking rather very much like a guy I once dated. I was in the back in a flash, carefully examining the books that had come in (turning them over and over in my hands), going to the bathroom to wash my hands (a few times), and looking at paperwork (that was not mine) just to avoid an awkward reunion*.

Sometimes it is unavoidable though. Often you see the familiar face too late, and you cannot run and hide. My husband and I then employ the "I'm in a hurry" tactic. Instead of stopping to say hello (and enduring the ensuing awkwardness), it is just much safer to acknowledge that you have seen the people, give a polite "hello" (and even a wave for effect), while still on the move. This seems to be the perfect strategy. You are not being rude to the people, yet at the same time you are avoiding any awkwardness.

I am just really grateful I have found someone that shares my dislike of awkward social interactions.

*I'm not even sure that it was him, but I definitely wasn't going to take a chance!

Monday, 27 August 2007

Touchy subject

I woke up this morning feeling like I hadn't even slept for 2 hours. When in actual fact I had a good 8 hours. When I got to work my manager asked me if I'm OK, since I had puffy eyes*. For the next 2 hours I struggled to stay awake**. I have a theory as to why I'm so low on energy today. It's something that I've neglected to blog about in the 4 months, because it is a rather touchy subject. No no. Nothing embarrassing or age restricted. Just a sticky subject.

It's about food combining.

If you haven't heard of it, you're probably not the only one. If you have, good for you. I heard about food combining about a year ago now. My husband's wizard of a doctor advised him (for years) to combine his food properly. But it was only when the doctor got a little irate about his non-compliance (even though it was impossible for him as he didn't have control over his meals) that my husband started taking it seriously. He came home and shared the theory with me. I was totally against it for the first hour, but we decided to give it a try. We have been attempting it on and off ever since, and have finally been following it quite diligently for a few months now.

The basic principle of food combining is that a starch requires an alkaline solution to be digested properly, while a protein needs an acid. If you mix starch and protein in one meal, the alkaline and acid digestive juices neutralise each other, thus leading to fermentation of your meal in your stomach, instead of correct digestion and uptake of nutrients. Ever noticed how you become tired after a big meal? All your energy is going to your stomach to try and digest these 2 opposing substances. Wrong food combining also leads to indigestion.

Sounds simple enough, but if you think about it, this means a change in the way you have viewed food for your entire life. From breakfast to dinner.

No more eggs (protein) on toast (starch).
No more spaghetti (starch) bolognaise (protein).
No more macaroni (starch) cheese (protein).
No more meat and potatoes.
No more burger (protein and starch!) and chips (starch).

You get my drift.

Even for vegetarians things become a little more complicated since things like cheese and eggs (which we freely like to mix with starches) are actually protein.

So what CAN you eat?

Anything, of course, provided you combine it correctly. In other words, mix starch only with vegetables (ANY), and mix protein only with vegetables. And then of course there are legumes. Thank God for legumes. You can have these with either groups (they are a natural starch/protein mix - that's why they make you fart!).

Now you see what I mean. It's not something people really want to hear, let alone try. It just seems like too much of a lifestyle change. It IS a very big change. My husband and I try to combine correctly at every meal***. I combined wrong last night, and the night before. I think this might be the reason I am feeling so listless today.

We eat a lot of salad and vegetables. We have even found a recipe for lasagne with Ricotta cheese (VERY low in protein - only about 18%). We've also cut out most dairy products, and coffee (I have, anyway). For breakfast I only have fruit since I am giving my body time to get rid of toxins. This is difficult for a body that is trying to digest a heavy breakfast.

I haven't been sick in the past year. I have only had indigestion when eating Kara Nicha's once or twice (which is spicy, heavy and rich, and clearly difficult to digest in itself). I have had one mild sinus bout in the past year (despite living in Pietermaritzburg, the sinus capital of the freekin' world). I used to have a nap every day in the afternoon. Now (on most days) I have a lot of energy. After a full day's work, I still go out for a run with my husband. Plus I am regular as clockwork (hehehe). My weight has been pretty constant for the past year (except when we succumb - which happens a little too often nowadays - to something sweet).

The colon is the most negative part of your body. So many people in later years develop digestive/colon problems. With already so many additives and pesticides polluting our food, we wanted to make things a little easier for our colons. For us it was a big lifestyle decision that will benefit as in the long run (as much as we have kicked ourselves for it, since we both LOVE food - especially food which is wrongly combined).

I was finally convinced (on Honeymoon) by a book called The Natural Way by Mary Ann Shearer****. So I've taken the plunge at last and put it out there for you to do with what you like.

Use it, don't use it.

*Yikes. This is the first time anyone has ever said I have puffy eyes!
**If I had been in a lecture, that would have been the end of me.
***Obviously this is not always possible. When we visit friends we (gladly) combine incorrectly. We know that our lifestyle is not something many people embrace. Also we combine incorrectly once or twice a week as a treat (I think we deserve it).
****She is sometimes over the top, but mostly makes a lot of sense. We often use her recipe books - there are some excellent ones that have become our favourites.

Saturday, 25 August 2007

Can't have my cake and eat it

For weeks (maybe even months) I tried to enthuse my husband into reading Harry Potter. He wasn't really interested in that, he said, adding that it was just a children's story. I wanted him to read it because, firstly, I think it's a great story with an excellent story-line, wonderful characters and lessons to be learnt. Secondly, I couldn't stand not being able to talk to him about Harry and friends, especially after reading the 7th book. But after subtle threats and pleading, he finally agreed to read at least the first one*.

But (thanks to J K Rowling's magic writing) he found the first book interesting, and sped through the following 4 books (this was during his holiday, so he had ample time). By the time I had just finished the last book, he was finishing the 5th**.

Since then he has been so busy that Harry Potter has just not been on his to-do list. But last week he finally started the 6th book (after some skilled and subtle coaxing). He was reading a little a day, making good progress.

So last night it was raining. I love it when it rains. I love snuggling up to my husband and feeling safe and warm and content. I left my husband in the lounge at around 10 (in Harry's world) and traipsed off to bed. After not being able to sleep for a few minutes (being a little cold without husband), I returned to the lounge to get an extra blanket.

"Are you cold?" he asked (sympathetically)
"I don't have a husband to keep me warm." I said (a little too sulkily and guilt-inducing)***
I fell asleep shortly afterwards, slightly resenting the empty, husbandless bed (and Harry for keeping us apart) and only woke up at 2:30 when my husband finally slipped into bed. He had finished the whole book, couldn't put it down.

Mmh.

Why can't I have my cake AND eat it...?

*I think he did it mainly it shut me up.
**Just in time to watch the 5th movie!
***Really nasty now that I think about it...

Friday, 24 August 2007

Mixed post attempt #2

This is the 6th time I am attempting to start this post. 2 of my colleagues are engaged in an in-depth discussion in Zulu. It sounds really fun - they're laughing. It's cloudy and miserable outside, all students have left for the weekend.

My crazy colleague (N) has just invited me to a mega party at a stadium this weekend. But alas, my party days are over. There just seems to be no need for these things when you're married. Or maybe I'm just getting old...

Had a wonderful dinner with friends last night. We had the most scrumptuous curry while sipping wine and talking (mostly) crap. I've noticed that in our (and our friends') relationships, the men do most of the cooking. They seem to enjoy it more than the women! It's great. Is this how it is nowadays or is it just us?

I'm having another one of those delicious German cappuccinos. And a rusk. Even though I just had lunch. My emotions have really been a little extreme today. It freaks me out. A little thing can set me off, and then once I've lashed out I can't understand or remember how or why it was so upsetting in the first place. And then I get upset because I freaked out about nothing. At this point my husband is looking at me as if I'm from Venus (and he's from Mars), and then I just wish that the whole situation will just go away like a bad dream.

Aaah. The joys of PMS.

I realised something weird this morning. When I have to get up early in the morning (weekdays) I am always so tired and reluctant to get up. But when I don't have to get up early in the morning, I wake up early and am not tired. Huh?!

I'm actually glad that Dezi is finally gone from 7de Laan now - it was really dragging on and on and on and she was giving (miserable) Jan-Hendrik false hope. And what is up with Livia (Isabelle - whatever her name is) not telling Ryno that she got her memory back etc. I mean DUH. Listen to (motherly) Karien dammit. I HATE it when people in soaps don't tell the truth.

STILL haven't watched Bourne Supremacy. Hubby and friends really want to watch Bourne Ultimatum, but I refuse to go until I watch the 2nd one.

Enough RAMBLING!!

I'm off to have a great weekend. Hope you do too... :-)

Thursday, 23 August 2007

Racism

It's probably my naivety coming through again, but I really thought that South Africans were starting to realise that it doesn't matter whether you're Black, White, Coloured, Indian or Asian. I guess it's a little too idealistic of me to expect a change in 13 short years.

Two stories I heard this week really shocked me though. I can't believe people have such (openly) racist attitudes.

My manager was showing me photos of a managers get-together they had in Cape Town earlier this year. She paused at the one photo showing a (rather arrogant and too skinny-looking) white women. I asked who it was, and she said:
"I don't know her name, but she doesn't like black people. It's a whole group of them at Head Office actually. They don't want talk to us, they don't want to sit next to us, they don't want anything to do with us."

I was stunned. A company with a (supposedly) wonderful BBBEE policy still has a chunk of people with a seriously racist attitude.

Then yesterday the Fidelity guard came to get the cash, and told us that he had just been to Woolies. He had greeted the (white) manager there in Zulu. The manager had had a real fit, telling him that he must only greet him in English or Afrikaans, otherwise he will have him thrown out.

Thrown out for greeting someone in your mother tongue?

This really makes me sad and angry. I can only hope that over time, attitudes of people will change.

Lesson

I learnt something today. Actually it's more that I uncovered something inside that I already knew.

Sometimes it's not wise to look too far into the future. I know we're all about planning ahead, and saving for the future and all that, but at some point in your life it is profitable to do something for now. For the short-term. To do something that will benefit you in the next 2 years, not to look out for the next 20.

This revelation has been so freeing for me today. Suddenly the pressure to decide on what I want to do "for the rest of my life" is lifted. It's OK to not be sure of my career path right now. I can be content with where I am at the moment, without feeling bad that "I am destined for bigger things".

Life suddenly seems so much simpler and rather uncomplicated.

Hope this feeling lasts.

Wednesday, 22 August 2007

Zim revisited

I know I might be sounding redundant about this Zim issue, but I'm getting so sick of it falling on deaf ears.

Yesterday as my husband and I were approaching our house after a run, we spotted a guy who had studied with my husband in previous years (and had lectured me last year). We were really surprised to see him: he had left SA last year with his family to be a pastor in a congregation in Zimbabwe. This man is just so full of life, laughs and love for people. Even though he was smiling and laughing when we saw him, I could see he was strained.

He is here to drop off his wife and children, he told us. Then he would go back to Zim by himself. Another friend we know, who too is in Zim as a pastor, has sent his Norwegian wife and their child back home.

"The country in unlivable" our friend told us.

Unlivable.

And SADC leaders sit by and say that the Zim crisis has been exaggerated. They applaud Mugabe as if he's a hero. WHAT is going on here? What has this evil man done to manipulate these leaders over to his side? Anyone with 2 brain cells* can see that he is making a colossal mess of Zim.

We are worried about both our friends. Especially because they are not likely to keep quiet about the injustices going on. Who knows what could happen to them if they (too publicly) denounce the government.

Before we parted, our friend said: "The only way things will get better is if blood is spilt".

I think he's right.

All of you out there who believe in prayer: please pray.

*Perhaps I am giving SADC leaders too much credit by claiming that they have at least 2 brain cells.

Tuesday, 21 August 2007

Random ramble

I've been doing so much blog-hopping today, my eyes are about to go square*. As much as I enjoy not being swamped with work, I really do enjoy having some work to do during the day. At the moment, the ratio of hours that I'm busy to hours that I'm bored is about a 1 : 7.

Crap.

People have such different styles of blogging. Some talk mostly about themselves and their deeper issues, others like to tackle current events, others still talk about useless crap (there are some hideous blogs out there!), while the rest mix all these up. I think I prefer those that mix up their posts, and don't concentrate only on current events or themselves exclusively. I often enjoy reading blogs where the mix happens in one single post. I like the fact that a post is not only about a single topic**.

I'm wearing a skirt today that has little jingly things on it, so it makes a noise every time I walk. My husband isn't very fond of it. 10 to 1 he thinks the noise is in his head. The skirt has now been baptised as "The Creaky Brain Skirt".

We watched "Hairspray" last night. It was wonderful! I am, however, terribly predisposed towards musicals, having taken part in productions of musicals in high school (albeit only in the orchestra...). But even my rather music-shy husband really enjoyed this one! The music has you bobbing away in your seat, and John Travolta is an absolute scream. Did you know that Nikki Blonsky (she plays the lead, Tracy) worked in an ice-cream store before she landed the big role?

We made budget today. Thanks to our ridiculously high prices no doubt.

*My mom used to tell us that if we watch too much TV our eyes would turn into squares. Now that I think about it, we only got a TV when I was 11... Maybe she was referring to the computer on which we would play prehistoric games on an orange screen...?

**I'm trying it out in this post! Did you notice?

Privacy, please

I've always been a reasonably private person. It's not that I don't tell people anything - very close friends do get to listen to some of Days of Gnome's Life. I'm not the I'll-never-have-a-Facebook-profile-cause-I-don't-want-the-world-to-see-me kind of person. I'm just an unless-I-know-you're-really-interested-and-care-about-me-otherwise-I-won't-tell-you-anything-of-substance kind of person. I think I'm pretty good at holding my own in a friendship without getting too personal about myself. The only one who ever knows what's really going on in my head and heart is my husband (and God no doubt).

I have recently been broadening my blog-reading horizons. I have been reading a lot of So Close. Incidentally it won the Best SA Blog 2007, and the best writing on a SA blog in 2007. I'm not surprised. Tertia writes really well and it keeps you reading.

I'm starting to wonder why. I mean, writing style and fame (she published a book about infertility) can really only get you that far. WHAT you write about is really the most important thing.

And Tertia writes about herself.

Don't get me wrong, I also write about myself. That's why we have blogs - so we can write what we like and not feel bad if we write about ourselves.

But, unlike Tertia, I am not one to splash my life all over the Internet. I mean - I would never ever write about our sex life, arguments I'm having with my husband, deep hurts from my past, or post pictures of my bum on here.

And that's probably why my blog will never be as popular as hers.

But what does that say about us as people though? Are we all voyeurs? Do we enjoy taking a peek into someone else's intimate lives?

I think we do.

Is Tertia (and others like her) really brave to write without reservation, and risk criticism and comments about her really personal, intimate details, or is she just being stupid by being so vulnerable?

I guess it's her choice. If she makes the choice to expose herself like that, she shouldn't be surprised when hurtful comments and criticisms come her way.

*Gnome has made the decision to avoid this altogether*

Monday, 20 August 2007

Meetings

I don't think I've ever met anyone who likes meetings. It is only grudgingly that people agree to write minutes or chair meetings. Especially in churches. Getting people to be members of church council or representatives for synods is like pulling teeth. It doesn't surprise me one bit. Only if I hear a (very clear) voice from heaven will I willingly agree to be on one of those.

We have meetings in the shop every Monday. That's OK though (even though I always get to write the minutes), since it can't last longer than 50 minutes (we open the shop at 9), and the stuff that's talked about actually affects me.

But take the church (half-yearly) AGM we had yesterday. I was so ready to go after an hour. My husband and I go to these things because we are members of the church, and it's important to know what's going on, and be involved etc. The pastor's report, the report on the youth and even the finance report was interesting (bearable anyway).

But as soon as we got to nitty gritty things like passing a motion about some trust that I didn't even know existed... *CRINGE* And then there was a discussion about the wording of the motion. There was actually a discussion about whether or not to omit the word "THE" from the sentence.

Some people seriously just like to hear their own voice. When the chairperson asks: Are there any questions? and your question is not of life or death importance then please just shut up! Gee man. We were there for over 2 hours.

I know it's good to inform the people of what's happening in the congregation and involve them in the decision-making processes, but there is so much damn red tape anyway. If anything wants to be decided it first needs to go through so many channels. You'll be lucky to suggest something as a congregation member and have it take effect before the end of 2009. Stuff that was discussed and voted on at the last AGM in Feb are still waiting to be decided by the council.

*SIGH*

Plus, do you really have to vote on every single little detail? And what's up with people abstaining? Why can't you just decide on which charity you want us to support next year? If you're going to abstain, then just don't come to the meeting.

*Gnome decides to come well-prepared for the next meeting: armed with good reading material*

Friday, 17 August 2007

Hidden power

I have noticed in the past week that I often have double standards. I am usually such a patient person when it comes to listening to others. I am much more comfortable with the stories and experiences of others than I am with my own, thus making it much easier for me to listen to the ramblings of others. In my psychology studies I learnt (over and over again) how important it is to listen and to "reflect feelings" and to "put yourself in the other's shoes" etc. But often it seems that this doesn't apply when it comes to those that are closest to me.

When I am presented with a problem by a loved-one, I seem to want to fix it. My mind is filled with things to say, such as "You don't have to feel like that!" or "Why don't you do this?" or "Why don't you think of it in this way?". It's like I do the exact opposite of what I would do with others - friends, acquaintance, strangers.

When I feel down or have a problem, I really really appreciate it people just listen to me first - when they hear what I am feeling and when they just agree with me that this is a bad situation. Often it is just enough to be able to express myself, to say everything that is on my heart and mind, to vent. Catharsis. I don't need people to fix things for me. That'll come later. At first I just need to know that there is someone that knows what I am going through and that understands me and allows me to feel crap.

With all of this knowledge, I am still a self-confessed-fix-it.

But that is going to stop.

The other day when my husband presented with a problem, I just listened. It was really hard, and I had to stop myself from saying a million and one fix-it tips. But it worked. Even though I still felt a little hopeless for not being able to "help", my husband felt that I was really supporting him and that it was OK to feel the way he did.

I think often we are so anxious to fill the air with words when someone is presenting us with their suffering. We just want to make it OK. I know this is probably old news for most of you. It was definitely nothing new for me. Yet I was still managed to do it wrong with the most important people in my life.

Thursday, 16 August 2007

Humility (extreme lack thereof)

Oh.My.Gosh.

I've just witnessed the most revolting, unashamed display of boasting. And it's making me feel physically ill.

One of the guys working with us at the moment (2nd semester rush) just grates me the wrong way. I haven't come across a more insincere, manipulative, insecure braggart since my ex.

Luckily he has figured out that he's not my favourite person, and thankfully steers clear of me. Too bad for the girl that we work with - he just won't leave her alone (admittedly she is a lot friendlier to him than I am).

Fate will have it that she is looking for a (better) job at the moment. The braggart took it upon himself to sms his bank manager friend and organise an interview for her. Since the manager friend agreed, he has been telling everyone that walks through the door about what he did for her (out of the goodness of his heart).

I could hardly believe my ears when he repeated the story for the umpteenth time to a pair of pretty girls who were discussing philosophy:
"So my colleague here is looking for a permanent job. She's got an Honours in Marketing. I sent this sms to my bank manager friend, right, and he said she must come in for an interview at 9 on Wednesday. I did that because I just love helping people. Not for any other reason. It's just good to help people out. I don't do it because I have to or because someone tells me to do it. I just love helping people out."

Right.
Noddy badge for you.

And it really helps to boost your self-esteem when you tell the whole world about it.

ARG.

This has just given me a headache...

Wednesday, 15 August 2007

Maths

The last time I did any proper maths was in High School. I did some (rather enjoyable) stats in my studies, but it was never like the maths I did at school. I was glad to leave that behind after the jubilation-evoking 50-odd percent I got in my matric exams (I was just glad to pass the damn subject). So I was rather surprised when my manager asked me for my help with some maths problems (for her studies) yesterday.

Somewhere in the old rusty maths section of my brain I hauled out knowledge of fractions, BODMAS and indices.

Today we spent a good half an hour going through some more problems. Somewhere along the line, my teachers must have done something right. I was really chuffed at how much I could still do. BODMAS especially just seems to come naturally, like it was always there. Even though maths was my worst subject, I still seem to have the basics in place.

It's like riding a bicycle...

Tuesday, 14 August 2007

Niceties

When we get together with our friends, the conversation eventually inevitably turns to something rather less civil (mostly farting). So when we were all gathered for our friends' birthday celebration on Sunday afternoon, had laboured through the formalities and such, we turned (eventually and inevitably) towards farting. A few had some classic farting stories. We were all laughing hysterically, waiting for the next flatulansation.

What came was an unexpected knock at the door. In traipsed a respectable couple from the church.

Needless to say, the rest of the afternoon was spent talking about politics and economics.

Uninvited

I love braais. I love the atmosphere, the food, the (usually) good company. I love sitting by the fire, talking nonsense and waiting patiently for the food. I love drinking a glass (or two) of delicious wine. It encourages an atmosphere of relaxation.

This past weekend we had a marvellous braai. We went off into nature, and braaied from the early afternoon until way after dark. In my eagerness to have a relaxed time, I consumed one too many glasses of wine. I wasn't wasted, just a little tipsy.

When finally the food was ready, I wolfed it down. It was so delicious (and add the fact that I was rather relaxed from the wine), that I didn't even notice that I bit the inside of the lip. It was only when the effects of the evening had worn off rather unceremoniously that I discovered this unfortunate wound.

Now, three days later, it is still there. It has turned into a painful ulcer that just doesn't want to go away. I am reminded constantly (especially when I eat something) of the price I paid for delicious food and (a little) too much wine...

Monday, 13 August 2007

The cirlce of life

Last night I decided (after a rather food-filled weekend thanks to my husband's cousin coming to visit, as well as the birthdays of 2 good friends - of which the celebrations are going to continue tonight might I add) to have a nice long cycle on our exercise bike, just to feel a little more human again. To speed up the time of this tedious exercise (I rather prefer cycling outside than in our living room), I watched the (customary) nature programme on 3. At the moment there's a series called "Be the creature", hosted by 2 (crazy) brothers who really get up close and personal with the animals. I recall a rather memorable episode where they were very close (a little too close if you ask me) to the Comodo Dragon... So last night they were getting cosy with Macaques in Japan.

Woah. These monkeys are really clever! Won't bore you with the details, but there was one particularly cute monkey (Limpet) who had lost his mom, and had to try and fend for himself. He was so tiny, yet had these huge eyes and wrinkly skin that made him look like an old man. At the end of the show, there was a dedication to Limpet, as he had died 2 weeks after filming.

I was really sad for the little monkey. Made me wonder where we humans should draw the line in terms of interfering in nature. The problem is, though, that we have already interfered. We've already pushed species to extinction - some to the brink thereof. Now it's a matter of controlling it I guess. Was it right for Limpet to be left alone and to (inevitably) die when scientists knew about his affliction?

I really can't make my mind up about this one.

Maybe this is just the circle of life. Monkeys (like people) die. Even young ones. This is the reality we all know we must accept one day (yet often live in utter denial until the day we are personally affected by death).

Saturday, 11 August 2007

Inconvenient truths

Sometimes I surprise myself with my own naivety. I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Somewhere in my mind I still believe in honesty, and that the truth will be victorious in the end. I'm an idealist of the Lord of the Rings/Harry Potter kind - in my mind, love and friendship are the strongest forces that can defeat all evil in the end.

Maybe in the world beyond.

Reality on this earth is quite different.

The truth gets suppressed by powerful and evil people that get away with it. As you might have guessed from the heading, I have recently watched An Inconvenient Truth. For those who haven't seen it, or heard of it, it's about global warming. Al Gore gives a (sometimes rather emotional and political but mostly scientific) convincing account of the truth about global warming. Even though this is a widely publicised problem in the world, some countries still just don't get it.

I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that Pres Bush is ploughing billions and billions into war and ignoring the fact that the country he is trying so hard to make safe is under a much greater threat than he ever imagined. Makes me wonder how the world would have been different if Al Gore would have won the election...

But it's not only the global warming issue. It's politicians that blatantly lie about things. Statistics, motives, money... Whatever. Stuff that effects you and me. And what for? To protect the people? Their reputation? To cover up mistakes or get rich?

My naive mind is going into overdrive. I still just can't grasp and accept the fact that some powerful people are just all bad. Yet I get disappointed over and over and over again. Still I just won't learn.

Maybe this is one of my strengths though. The fact that I refuse to give up on people, and become negative. Regardless of how many times I get disappointed...

Friday, 10 August 2007

Something fishy

OK.

So 10 prisoners (murderers and rapists) escape from Qalakabusha Prison. Helped by corrupt prison officials. 13 of them have now been suspended.

"Suspended?" I ask.

Yes. Suspended. Obviously helping dangerous criminals escape is not enough to have someone fired.

And then who can forget the Travelgate Scandal. Corruption at its best. And what do they get? Oh - they get to pay all the money back (interest free), and have all the time in the world to do it.

Now the Deputy Health Minister, Nozizwe Madlala-Routledge, who is one of the only government ministers that has come to the party i.t.o fighting HIV (and has thus criticised the pres as well as the health minister), has been FIRED (yes, FIRED) for a minor detail (although some say that the reason for her sacking is unclear). She flies to Spain for an AIDS conference, gets there and finds out the pres didn't give her permission, so she hops on the next plane home.

Um. So what exactly did she do wrong?

She criticised the pres and the government.

Is this legal? There is something seriously fishy going on here...

Wednesday, 08 August 2007

Babies babies babies

For those who know me, know that I am a rather notorious kid-disliker. I think it's more of a fear of children than it is a dislike. I've been subjected to some babysitting in my life, and man did I get the bad ones. Kids pulling my hair and throwing me into swimming pools. *SHUDDER* This has given me a rather grim picture of children. I think I missed the whole cute, precious and rewarding bit.

But I seem to be discovering some (very hidden) positive inklings towards children lately. I often find myself looking at kids at church and unexpectedly thinking they are cute. I have even taken to talking to my colleague's two-year-old (he is really very cute), something I would have totally shied away from a while ago.

Maybe it's because I'm married now. Or maybe it's because very good friends of ours are pregnant. I find myself getting really excited for them. I look at baby clothes and imagine a little being in there...

Mmh. Am I getting broody?

Don't worry Mom and Dad, no grand kids coming up any time soon (if we can help it). But I think there might be some a good few years down the line...

Nevermind...

I KNEW this would happen. Just when I complain about it, here my post appears together with today's post. ARG.

Slow

So yesterday at about this time I did a post, and it STILL hasn't reflected on the site. I'm starting to wonder if I shouldn't move to Wordpress or something else... I hate it when blogger plays up like this... ARG.

Tuesday, 07 August 2007

Winter day

It doesn't happen very often that PMB is cold. But today is a gloriously Capetonian-winter day. Rainy and miserable. I see on the news all the time how Cape Town is hit by cold front after cold front. I know it gets pretty miserable after a while (having endured several Cape winters myself) but once in a while I welcome these days.

I just had an amazing cappuccino (compliments of a dear friend who brought it all the way from Germany). It is a delicious concoction of hot coffee goodness mixed with a chocolately taste, producing a soothingly smooth and warming drink sensation.

This weather makes me think of home, of school days gone by, waiting in the mornings outside the school door shivering in your stockings and blazer... Of sport being cancelled due to rain, and being home earlier than usual, in time to watch some mindless cartoons, or curl up in bed with homework. Of sitting on the couch with a warm blanket and hot chocolate, talking for hours on the phone to your girl friends (before your parents got home from work) about teachers, homework, school and boys...

Monday, 06 August 2007

Have a break...

I have been longing for a bit of a break lately. I don't mean a weekend or a public holiday squashed into the busy second semester. I mean a few weeks of peace, of relaxation. Just a break from work, from worry, from life in general.

So my cousin is cycling through Canada and America at the moment with his girlfriend. I checked out some of their amazing photos this morning.

WOW.

I am so jealous.

Makes me long for an adventure of some kind. An exciting stretch of my comfort zone. Something that's challenging, and out there. Something that will make me feel like I have achieved something extraordinary.

But for the time being this is where I am supposed to be. In my 8 - 5, struggling to make ends meet...

Random facts I read in an email

Did you know that...

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes (?!?).

The King of Hearts is the only king without a moustache.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in First Class.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and nobody knows why.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

Violation

I was absolutely horrified at the state of the informal settlement, Kosovo, in Cape Town. On E News last night they showed how the whole settlement is basically a rubbish dump. Waste hasn't been collected from there in months (six to be exact). The waste is strewn around the public toilets that people can't even get to them. They have to, instead, do their business in the street. Sitting in front of the TV, my husband and I had to change the channel to avoid us throwing up the popcorn we were consuming. And these people still have to put up with the stench... What a gross violation of basic human rights.

Friday, 03 August 2007

Close call

So I had a close call with the colleague in question (the one I always complain about). I was busy trying to formulate a fax and was having trouble with the wording. So the colleague in question said:
"Well, if you have trouble with it, then no-one can help you."
(I took that as a compliment for my writing skills but was a little worried... How does he know how I write...?)
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"Well, you forget. I have read your..." (He hesitates.)
(I panic!! He's read my blog! Oh crap. He knows exactly what I say about him! GULP)
"...Your weekly minutes for our meetings."

WHEW.

(Note to self: STOP writing about irritating colleague in case he one day stumbles onto my blog)

Laziness

I'm sure most have you have had to do groupwork somewhere along the line in your lives. In a group you get 2 types of people: those that actually do the work, and those that don't work and just sponge off the rest.

I was always the unfortunate idiot who would end up doing the work.

I have worked in some groups, however, where there has been excellent teamwork - where everyone had pulled their weight. My colleagues at the moment are a shining example of this. Everyone helps the other out when there is a need. Especially during the busy time now. I don't hesitate to ask my colleagues for help if I need it, and they all always willing to help.

Except one guy.

Oh. my. hat.

This bloke literally sits in front of his computer most of the day reading stories. Rarely he will come to the front to help. When you ask him to help you with something it seems as though he is really irritated with you for tearing him away from his "work". When the phone rings, he hardly ever picks it up - only when it's rung at least 7 times does he bother with it. If we're not that busy, this means that he manages to avoid helping customers in person as well as on the phone ALL DAY.

This really really really really grates my carrot.

I'm back (for today anyway)

WOAH! What a week! It's been really hectic here. People have even been saying to me:
"You guys must be really busy because you haven't blogged in a while..."

Even though it's been so tiring at work, it is rather nice to have a forced blogging holiday once in a while. It allows for you to clear your mind, to come up with fresh ideas, and allow life to just happen to you for a little while. There is a sort of pressure involved in blogging - long after it's become a habit, it becomes somewhat of a necessity. You have people counting on you now! But luckily during these days I have realised that it doesn't feel that bad not to blog for a day or two. It's even somewhat... freeing. It's like when I realised that I could actually stand the feeling of hunger, and that I didn't need to eat all the time (this might sound weird to some, but I think I once had a "fear" - if I can call it that - of feeling hungry).

I realised this past week how important friends are to me. Even though (if I had to classify myself) I would put myself more into the "introvert" category, I am by no means a loner. The last six weeks have been university holidays, and the absence of friends and acquaintances was really beginning to take its toll on me. It surprised me how much an evening with friends can perk me up.

This post seems a little... disjointed. Probably cause I have so many thoughts in my head about what's happened in the past week and am now trying to fit it all into one post.

Whew.