Turmoil
I don't feel like being serious today.
I had some very bad news on the weekend about a friend of my aunt's that was raped and murdered in her home. And my manager's nephew was shot in the stomach by robbers and subsequently died in hospital. Sometimes the evil in the world becomes so overwhelming you just want to shut it out and live in a bubble. A bubble where you can believe that you are immune to such trauma. I hate suffering. My whole being rebels against it. I just want to make things better. I want things to go back to the way they were. I want people to laugh and be carefree.
This weekend I realised that it's more than that. Suffering chills me to the core because I fear it above all else. I fear pain. Physical, emotional. My own pain, the pain of those that I love. Sometimes when I close my eyes I try to imagine what that pain would feel like. Just in case. To prepare myself. What it would be like to be raped... To be stabbed... To have a loved one torn from me... But I just can't bear it and push it from my mind. Maybe my inexperience with pain is the reason for my intense fear... The fear of the unknown.
Damn. And I didn't really want to be serious today.
3 comments:
When things like this happen, I always grow fearful for those I hold close. For some odd reason, I then begin to FEAR that love. As in, if only I didn't love so much I would never have pain.
My thoughts and prayers are with your aunt, your manager...also you Gnome.
Sorry to hear about all this Gnome...there's just too many of these stories doing the rounds these days. :-(
It makes me really angry!
Thanks Mrs M. Yeah Louisa, it happens far too often... :(
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