Hidden power
I have noticed in the past week that I often have double standards. I am usually such a patient person when it comes to listening to others. I am much more comfortable with the stories and experiences of others than I am with my own, thus making it much easier for me to listen to the ramblings of others. In my psychology studies I learnt (over and over again) how important it is to listen and to "reflect feelings" and to "put yourself in the other's shoes" etc. But often it seems that this doesn't apply when it comes to those that are closest to me.
When I am presented with a problem by a loved-one, I seem to want to fix it. My mind is filled with things to say, such as "You don't have to feel like that!" or "Why don't you do this?" or "Why don't you think of it in this way?". It's like I do the exact opposite of what I would do with others - friends, acquaintance, strangers.
When I feel down or have a problem, I really really appreciate it people just listen to me first - when they hear what I am feeling and when they just agree with me that this is a bad situation. Often it is just enough to be able to express myself, to say everything that is on my heart and mind, to vent. Catharsis. I don't need people to fix things for me. That'll come later. At first I just need to know that there is someone that knows what I am going through and that understands me and allows me to feel crap.
With all of this knowledge, I am still a self-confessed-fix-it.
But that is going to stop.
The other day when my husband presented with a problem, I just listened. It was really hard, and I had to stop myself from saying a million and one fix-it tips. But it worked. Even though I still felt a little hopeless for not being able to "help", my husband felt that I was really supporting him and that it was OK to feel the way he did.
I think often we are so anxious to fill the air with words when someone is presenting us with their suffering. We just want to make it OK. I know this is probably old news for most of you. It was definitely nothing new for me. Yet I was still managed to do it wrong with the most important people in my life.
