My faith

Recently I have been thinking a lot about prayer and it’s power. We had a discussion about a week ago with a couple of people about prayer. 2 people in particular expressed the view that they did not think prayer was at all effective – and that it’s only power lay in its psychological value for those praying, or those being prayed for. It’s funny how their condescending tone just made me more sure about my faith.

My faith is weak at best. I doubt, I struggle, I veer off the path, I forget to trust, I do things in my own strength. Mostly I struggle with the issue of healing. Why does God heal some and not others? Why do some suffer so much, while others don’t? Why does a loving God allow innocent and even faithful people to suffer, while He chooses to heal others?

I don’t have any answers to all these difficult questions. All I can say is what I feel – and that is that God is there and that he loves us more than we can ever imagine or understand with our human minds. When I speak to God there is more at work than just a psychological soothing of my wounds. I sense that there is so much more, I can nearly taste an immense joy that is veiled, waiting to be uncovered. Yet I am not sure I have been able to grasp the entirety of this miracle. Perhaps I am scared.

In prayer I am scared of being disappointed. Yet, at the same time I am stunned and ashamed at my audacity. Does God not know what is best for me? How can I claim to know what is best for me when I have such a limited view of the world, of my life, even of myself? Does God not answer my prayers in a way that is best for me? Often we only realise this later... Much later.

People often see religion as weak. "The opium of the masses". You cannot cope on your own, so you conjure up some god to lean on, and you pray to this conjured god to make you feel better. In my view, putting your trust in God; opening yourself up to being changed and healed; being yourself (despite your weaknesses and vulnerabilities) in front of God is anything but weak.