Nothing of consequence

I woke up this morning hoping against hope that it was the weekend.

It wasn’t.

This day has but d r a g g e d on. I’m so tired. The other day we had dinner with our friends who are leaving this sorry town for the holidays. Before we knew it we were on Smirnoff Storm number 3 (not to mention glass of wine and G&T before that…), and suddenly it was midnight and I was sipping (involuntarily) on a huge glass of wine. I just don’t know how it happened. Good food, good company… Somehow we just got a little carried away. So not planned…

Yah. So Thursday was a little fragile for all of us…

So we have this new guy working here now, replacing my favourite colleague. The new guy’s really nice, but he’s just not the old guy. He is really such an eager beaver. Seriously. I mean, when the phone rings and he’s busy making coffee he’ll sprint from the kitchen to answer it, shouting “I’ve got it!”. I hope his enthusiasm wanes soon because just looking at him makes me tired. I mean, I of the Well Done Certificate: I work hard. But this guy is just over the top. He never takes his full hour of lunch. Dude – you have a whole hour break – TAKE IT PLEASE.

And then he talks really softly. I was making tea today and he was standing like 5m away mumbling something. It was only after 30 seconds that I realised he was actually speaking to me (trying to anyway) – over the roar of the kettle. I was like: “Huh?! Are you speaking to me?”.

Somehow he makes me feel bad for doing other things when there’s no work to do. Like I feel so bad for checking my Gmail, or reading blogs. I don’t even DARE go on Facebook.

Does it seem to you that lately I haven’t had anything profound to say? Definitely feels like that to me. Maybe I’m a little tired of all the seriousness of life right now. I sometimes just don’t feel like dwelling on problems and/or philosophical questions. From now on I’m going to just talk about frivolous things like shopping and soft-spoken colleagues.

Don’t you LOVE make-overs? I’d say I’m a bit of a make-over junkie. Any kind of make-over. Home, extreme, weight loss – WHATEVER. I love love love that before and after stuff. Wish someone would give me a make over. I’m not very good with fashion, and what looks good on me etc. My husband is my senior fashion consultant.

Ramble ramble blah blah

What gives you the idea that I am so bored at work today. I wanna go hoooooome. And eat burgers and chips and watch movies. It’s a loooong weekend!!!

Gobbledigook

I actually haven’t written for a whole week! It feels like so much has happened that nothing really has happened. Can that even make sense to anyone? It’s like when you haven’t seen someone in AGES; so much has happened to you in between, but after you have imparted the seemingly important bits such as what you do job-wise, that you’re married and where you live etc, there seems to be nothing left to say… Even though there is obviously an ocean of experiences that you both have encountered you have to wade into the murky pool of small talk…

I seem to be off on a tangent once again.

Basically I’ve been pretty sick. Had fever for the first time in my life (and it was HORRIBLE). I’ve been away from work for a couple of days now. Today is first day back. I’ve been having quite some fun at work today – there’s been a lot of work to do, and it was really cool being busy and useful again after lounging in bed for the better part of 4 whole days. We rearranged the shop a little, made more space for the magazines and stationery. It’s all very exciting. (Gosh, doesn't take much, does it...)

AND my Well Done certificate* arrived. I’m not sure what they think this MS Word-created, printed on cheap cardboard, with clip art pics template of a document is going to do for my morale, but the fact that they spelt my name wrong has made me think the idea is even more ridiculous. It’s probably for prestige and honour or something. They’ll probably want me to frame it. BLEH. I’ve learnt that certificates are really nothing more than a waste of trees. I’ve even got one that says “Masters Degree” on it. They really should have left that tree standing. Let it help with global warming or something.

Da-di-da.

I feel like I’m beating around the bush a little here. In the past 2 weeks my husband and I have heard a few pieces of tragic and shocking news. Some have left us numb, hurt and very upset. They are not my stories to tell, however.

Things are getting very Christmassy here. It’s nearly the middle of December and I haven’t even thought of Christmas gifts yet. Oops. At least we got our huge chunk of gammon yesterday.

So did you hear that Jake White’s book is selling faster than the last Harry Potter?! That is just incredible! Jake White is so clever. The way he timed everything! We have copies of the book in stock. We haven’t sold a single copy yet…

*After repeatedly being nominated for Employee of the Month (which includes a voucher from Pick n Pay for R 1000) unsuccessfully, I think they thought they would just shut me up with this Well Done certificate.

25

So I’m 25 today.

*Gnome pauses for this to sink in*

I’d be lying if I said I really care about how old I am. I don’t really. Some people have mid-20s crises when they hit 25. Suddenly they think they are old. They take stock of their lives and wonder what they have accomplished in the first quarter of their lives on earth. I think I’ve done pretty well. Maybe not in the eyes of the world. I mean, I don’t own a car (anymore…), or a house, or even a flat; I don’t have a fantastic job that fulfils me and allows me to bring home buckets of cash (who does anyway). But I do have some other “things” that I am proud of.

I think I am a really good and loyal friend. I think I am accepting and caring and loving. I think I have a compassionate heart, and a good brain. Even though I am not a success story by the world’s standards, I am really very proud of the person that I am. Through all the experiences in my life, I have arrived at 25 with a positive attitude, a number of good friends, and very few regrets. I am a good wife, a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend.

I am proud of you, Gnome. Cheers to your 25th Birthday!

A Christmas Story

For the first time since Primary School I got to dress up as an angel for a Nativity play at church*. I’ve always been an angel. I was never one of the lucky ones that got to be an important character like Mary or even a shepherd. I think it was cause I was shy. The shy people always get to be angels. Nevertheless, I got to wear little wings and sing Christmas carols. It was great. Until “Away in a Manger”. The piano sounded the little introduction, I took a big breath and started.

“Away in a manager, no crib for a bed…”

I only realised too late that nobody was actually singing. Except me! The camel that was standing in front of me turned around so abruptly, and stared at me as if I had just committed an unforgivable sin.

“Stop singing!” He hissed.

My voice died in my throat and I tried to curb the heat rising in my cheeks. The piano started again and I tentatively sang – trying to blend in with the rest. By the time "The First Noel" came along I felt less embarrassed, and started to hope that perhaps people hadn't really noticed. It was finally during "Good Christians Men Rejoice" that I was over it. I sang the last song, "Joy to the World" with much gusto.

Maybe next time they'll let me be a shepherd.

*Since there were a lot of carols that needed to be sung, we were roped in to help the kids with the singing.

Survivor

Go Yul!

I was really pleased when Yul Kwon won Survivor Cook Islands on last night’s show. Even though it’s like such old news for the rest of the world, South Africa finally got to see the 13th season. I didn’t follow this one as much as I did the seasons before that. It’s somehow lost its novelty and appeal for me a little bit. I only like to see the last few episodes to see who wins the million.

But I LOOOVE the reunion show. We’ll get back to that in a sec.

Some people just aren’t that into Survivor because people lie and cheat and back stab and fight and all that jazz. I’m by no means an advocate for lying and backstabbing, but all’s fair within the context of the game. It’s really just strategy. You can’t be on Survivor and expect to go through the whole thing without the slightest untruth ever crossing your lips. It is a game, after all, not real life, and one where the prize is a rather substantial amount of money. I don’t blame them in the least for being a tad bit morally challenged and selfish. The same goes for those watching. Don’t expect a show reflecting impeccable values. It’s about outplaying, outlasting and outwitting the rest. If you don’t like it, don’t watch it.

So back to the 13th season, Cook Islands. What I really liked about this season was the friendship between the Aitu 4 (Yul, Becky, Ozzy & Sundra). They really were the underdogs and just rose beautifully above the rest to become the final 4. It is rather uncharacteristic for Survivor to breed an alliance of such a nature within the game – I mean, one that lasts as long as this one did, and exists between a number of people. Alliances usually break apart when the million is within reach. But even when Sundra was outlasted by Becky in the fire making challenge, there just no animosity between them.

I think what draws me to this show and especially the reunion show is the tangible bond that is formed between all the people on the show. Regardless of whether you had an alliance with anyone (or no one), were voted out first, or were the antagonist of the show, you share a common experience with the rest. Being marooned on an island with 19 other people, forced to survive and compete against each other… That is an experience that only those few people can share with you. Only they can understand what it was like; only they can laugh at the personal jokes you shared during that time; only they can make you feel like you belonged there somehow.

When I was in Germany after school I took part in 4 month course with a bunch of other people. We did everything together. We lived in the same building, ate the same food, went to the same classes, went to the same parties, saw each other from morning til night. When I had to leave that place I cried harder than I ever had before. It was such an amazing experience to share the same circumstances with people. We had so many personal jokes, and just a common understanding about things. On the verge of leaving I realised the tragedy of it all: this was the last time we would be together like this. Things would never ever be the same again – even if we would see each other again, it would be in a different context…

When I watch the Survivor reunion show I get this feeling again – this hint of the bond that they share(d), and somehow I long for that. I long for a community.

Pillow Talk

The most profound conversations seem to happen in the dying minutes of our waking hours. While my husband tries (in vain) to look for stars though the open window, and I fight with the duvet and pillows for the most comfortable spot, we seem to veer into realms of existential and profound discussions.

At times we’ll talk about theology or psychology. Often we discuss people. Our friends, our enemies. We try to figure out what makes them tick, what effect their pasts have had on their present. We try to understand people’s behaviour, their personalities, their reactions. Sometimes we get angry and say nasty things which we later regret and retract… But mostly we are trying to figure people out – fit all the wayward pieces of the puzzle together.

A lot of the time we are trying to figure ourselves out. We talk about our past, our deepest hurts, our sadness, our weaknesses, our spiritual journeys; our frustrations, our joys… We try to make sense of our moods, thoughts and emotions. We encourage each other, support each other, we hold hands and say how proud we are of each other and how much the other has to offer the world. We are mirrors to the other – gently exposing areas that need work, and encouraging each other’s strengths. I get my hair stroked and he gets his back scratched.

This is what I love about marriage. This is exactly what I signed up for when I said “Yes” to him. I can’t even imagine my life without these magic times…

Christmas Party and More

I'm looking pretty cute today.

Got my little red and white Christmas hat with fake white hair extension braids sticking out on either side. Hats suit me I think. My husband thinks I look cute - like a German. The only uninvited guest on my face at the moment is a horrible pimple. As usual it has come at the wrong time: our Company's Christmas Party is tonight. Nothing concealer can't fix though.

Still deciding what to wear. Don't wanna pitch up looking too formal, but on the other hand your colleagues have only ever seen you wearing your work shirt. In a way you do want to make a bit of an impression. Like, this is the real Gnome. Better pluck my eyebrows. And should I wear makeup? I hardly ever do. Only for special occasions. Does this count as such an occasion?

Sat for a long time studying the menu of the place we're going to tonight. We had to give our orders in this morning already. You have to be careful of your choices. You don't want to choose something that could be potentially embarrassing - such as prawns or chicken or something that you would have to approach with knife and fork, and then have to leave a lot of the meat on the bone. Rather get something you can just shovel down and make sure you use all the money the stingy company has allocated to you.

I've always had trouble choosing what to eat. Once I find a good dish I seem to stick to it. Which is so boring! I wish I was more adventurous with my food choices... I've become rather dependent on my husband when it comes to choosing dishes. He seems to know exactly what I want. He makes deciding what to eat so much easier. He's totally taken to the whole cooking thing as well. I hardly ever cook anymore. The only thing I make is salad. I really bagged a winner. *Gnome is so proud of her choice of husband*

So my colleague wanted to know if I've got any good jokes for tonight. God forbid I'd have to tell a joke. I am so bad, and when I try, they ALWAYS fall flat and people just don't laugh. Cringe. Luckily our one colleague is a bit of a loud mouth, so rest assured, we won't have to make too much needless conversation. I'm actually just there for the food after all.

Mistakes and Consequences (and Money)

So I got a little irked today.

Don’t really wanna say too much about it, but it turns out my helping somebody has got me into a bit of trouble. The more I think about it, the more I realise that this really wasn’t my fault. I was just following orders. Then again, how far do you take the following orders excuse? How many Nazis were just following orders? How many people in Apartheid were just doing as they were told?

Oh my gosh.

I’m really being a little too melodramatic here. *Gnome tries to snap out of it* I mean, it’s not like I killed anyone or even that my actions led to any sort of grievous bodily harm whatsoever. Actually it probably just cost the company a little bit of money.

What little chance I had of ever winning the employee of the month award has just gone out of window I see. And with it the R 1 000 Pick n Pay voucher.

Damn.

I seem to have a bit of a track record when it comes to costing companies money. When I worked in England I would frequently* give people discounts (without their knowledge), or leave an item off “by mistake”. I just sometimes couldn’t stomach charging people SO much money for so little food. The prices there were horrendous – even for their standards. I sort of felt like a bit of a Robin Hood. I’m sorry, company in England, but you still made gazillions of pounds in profit at the end of the year (I read the year-end report), so I’m not wasting any guilt emotions on you.

But this time really wasn’t on purpose.

Although, if I could give people a discount I would (too bad I’m not authorised for those kinds of overrides). I find something so innately wrong with rich people making even more money to feed their opulent indulgences.

Speaking of opulent indulgences, I was utterly disgusted by a piece of news yesterday: a Saudi Prince (13th richest man in the world) has bought himself the world’s biggest plane (that seats over 500 people) for an unimaginable sum of money. Ironically enough, in the same news bulletin the headline was about the bread price, and how some people can’t even afford to buy this most basic of foods…

Kind of puts things into perspective a little bit...

*OK, it didn’t happen THAT often…

Departures

So my favourite colleague handed in his resignation today. I'm rather sad. Not sure if it's because I'm a little jealous that he's moving up in the world, or because I have so much uncertainty in my life that I don't want the little comfort zone I have at work to be rattled in any way. I know change is inevitable, but I was hoping it would be change that I have control over. Like me moving. Not like a colleague (favourite at that) moving on to a better job. We always have so much fun together.

Maybe that's why I am sad. He was the only one at work I could really laugh with. I think I'm really going to miss him. Work will probably turn into a fairly dull affair. Even duller than it is at the moment.

It seems like a lot of people are leaving.

My good friend Mrs M is also nearing her departure. This has probably made my colleague's resignation so much more tangible for me. I hate saying goodbye. The people staying behind are always worse off than those that are doing the leaving.

My sister is probably leaving soon too. I don't really want to think about that right now. My aunt is leaving to go back to Germany in a few days. My grandfather is leaving for heaven sometime.

Apart from the fact that I will miss all these people dearly, the more I think about it, the more I realise that I dislike change. Change in things that are good already. I guess we're all like that in some ways. Scared of change. I hate that I like my comfort zones and my set ways. I want to be out of the box and different and adventurous. But here I am in my 8 - 5 lamenting change that I can't control...

Flying high

Flying used to be a pretty novel and exciting exercise. But with the inception of low cost airlines like Kulula, 1time and Mango it's become pretty run of the mill. So normal, in fact, that I find it rather boring and just a means to an end. I even have a list of things that irk me about flying.

1.) When people push and shove to board the plane. Guys, you have a RESERVED seat. Believe it or not, you have a space in this plane. YOU WILL NOT BE LEFT BEHIND.

2.) When you have asked for a window seat, and some idiot has decided that he deserves to sit at the window even though he checked in after you, and you actually deserve the window seat, but you're too nice to make a fuss over a view that you only indulge in at take off and landing anyway.

3.) The same dude that stole your window seat wants to go to the loo just after you have made yourself comfortable. When flying with Mango, this means having to get up and wait in the aisle for the dude to finish his business. So annoying.

4.) That there are still people out there who don't switch off their electronic devices during the flight. People, this could interfere with the electronic equipment of the plane. Obviously they don't get that this might make us crash. Crash = dead. Hello?! Priorities people.

5.) I can't imagine that there are still people that don't know how to fasten their seat belts. Even if you're not a seasoned flier, it's really not that higher grade. Click. And lift buckle to undo. If you have a problem, call the flight attendant. If you managed to book your flight online, the seat belt should be child's play.

6.) The fact that people unfasten their seat belts BEFORE the seat belt sign has been switched off and the aircraft has come to a complete standstill. Surely they say these things for your safety? Either way, it irks me that people just don't LISTEN.

Easy post

Had the most amazing extended weekend in Cape Town. Got up at 4 this morning to catch an early flight, and now get to be at work until 5. My response time is impaired accordingly. So I've opted for a reasonably easy post today... Thanks Toby for the tag.

1.When is the last time you held hands with someone? Probably this morning with my husband on the plane.

2. You wake up as the opposite gender, what’s the first thing you do? Faint.

3. Have you ever climbed out a window? I can't recall off-hand, but I'm sure I have sometime in my life...

4. Where is your mum? In Cape Town.

5. Morning or night person? Mmh... More morning than night nowadays, but not early morning.

6. What was the last movie you watched? In the cinema the last I watched was Ratatouille. On the weekend I watched some of Napoleon Dynamite (before I feel asleep).

7. Do you have a crush on anyone right now? My husband...?

8. Any cool scars? I have a "volcano" on my head from measles.

9. Things about the opposite sex you notice first? Not anything specific (physically). Probably if they are shy/outgoing.


10. What do you do when no one is watching? Fart. And blog. And Facebook. Sometimes all at once.

11. Ever been in love? YES. Still am.

12. What’s something your friends make fun of you for? My slight dislike of children, and the fact that I speak German.

13. What is your curfew? My husband demands me home at 5pm :)

14. Would you ever dye your hair red? Been there, done there. Got the photos to prove it.

15. You + alcohol = talkative

16. What’s your worst personality flaw? I trust too easily.

17. What career would you wish to be in? One which fulfils me.

18. Which country would you like to visit? Italy.

19. Do you want a well paying job or a job you enjoy? Definitely one I enjoy, but there must be some money involved. A good balance...

20. Do you wish to have the same best friends when you’re older? Mostly yes.

21. Do you believe in needing a religion? Absolutely.

22. What did you wear today? Wearing black pants and work shirt.

23. When were you last on the phone? Probably about 20 minutes ago.

24. What shoes did you wear today? Black closed shoes.

25. Do you like maths? Not complicated school maths. But financial maths is cool.

26. What about history? I only did it up to the end of Grade 9. Wasn't my favourite to be honest.

27. Have you ever seen 5 squirrels at one time? I think so - at the Company Gardens.

28. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? With much effort. And only if I push my nose into a more reachable position. And then I end up with gob all over.

29. Do you have a brother? Nope.

30. Who’s your favourite person to talk to? My husband, Mrs M, my sister, God.

31. Have you ever used ‘photobucket’? No.

32. Do you like hugs? Bring it on.

33. Do you want to be a doctor? No thanks.

34. Have you ever fallen asleep with gum in your mouth? Not that I can recall.

35. What’s the first thing you do in the morning? Take my pillules.

36. Do you brush your teeth everyday? Every day. Twice. I now have a toothbrush with a tongue cleaner. I use it diligently.

37. Would you date a girl/guy with hair longer than yours? If my husband had long hair I would still love him if that's what's implied.. But I guess in principle I'm not that into long hair on men.

38. Do you want to be famous? Definitely not.

39. Do you spend a lot of time contemplating life’s causes? Sometimes...

40. Do you do your own laundry? Unfortunately yes. I hate it. I don't iron. Ever.

41. Whats the last thing you Drank? Water.

42. Last song you sang? "Africa" by Toto. Such a singable tune.

43. Last person you hugged? My husband.

44. Last thing you laughed at? I laugh a lot. I think I laughed something my colleague said. Can't remember what it was even...

45. Last time you cried? Can't really remember. Maybe a few weeks ago?

46. What colour are your bed sheets? White.

47. What colour is the carpet in your bedroom? Don't have carpets.

48. What’s under your bed? Lots and lots of dust.

49. What time did you wake up today? 4:15 am. *YAWN*

50. Current annoyance? Hunger. Tiredness. Phones.

51. Current desktop background? A photo of my husband and I sharing a joke on a picnic. Very cute.

Anyone who feels like it, consider yourselves tagged.

Awful

I’m really feeling awful today. I think this stress has finally taken its toll. All this worrying about medical aids, holiday days, my husband’s well-being, my husband’s illness… I was fine until after lunch yesterday. Maybe it was the aircon in the shop as well. And this stupid weather. In the morning it’s hot, and then by lunchtime it’s pouring and hailing. I’m just so tired. Physically, emotionally, spiritually… Feels like I’m slurring my speech. Could be all the meds I took this morning. My limbs just feel so heavy. Everything seems an effort. Lifting the phone, smiling at customers… Even eating my apple. I had trouble falling asleep last night. It was really painful to swallow. Today that’s a little better, but I’m just feeling spaced. And tired. And heavy. And listless...

First impressions

I often wonder how people perceive me. Like, on a first meeting. What do they think of me? Do they think I am pretty? Do they think I am intelligent? Do they think I am shy? Or funny? Or maybe they think I have a really strange nose, or curly hair. [Maybe they're too busy trying to make an impression themselves that they don't really give that much thought to me in the first place] Man. I would love to get into somebody else's head to see what they think of me at first meeting. I would be fascinated to see how right or terribly wrong they are.

My husband was saying to me last night how he never would have dreamed that I would turn out the way I am (that sounds confusing...). When he first met me he thought I was this shy, clever, decent girl. I mean, I am those things... But I can also be boisterous, loud, and believe it or it, I fart and burp quite regularly (and rather enjoy doing so too).

I wonder what people that happen to stumble upon this blog think of Gnome? How much of the real me comes through in my blog? To be entirely honest, I don't let it all hang out on the blog (like some fellow bloggers). I do like to keep some sort of distance. But nonetheless, I write from the heart. I wonder how much of my real heart is visible to the stranger out there.

I think what I am trying to get at is that I actually really hope that all my insecurities don't show in face-to-face first impressions, and that the real me shines through all the grimy and tedious small talk. I hope that I seem like a person who's got it all together. Someone who is a little shy, but not completely socially disabled. I hope it shows that I love God, believe in Jesus, and in love, and that I have a good heart. I hope it shows that I always try to be as non-judgemental and accepting as possible. I hope it shows that I am (overall) a happy and positive person. I hope it shows that I can be trusted...

9780195783292

9780636071827 9781415400241 9780521694537 9781919769462

Translation: I don’t think I can see another 13 digit ISBN number. I have done pages and pages of quotes, with pages and pages of 13 digit ISBN numbers. It’s all I can think about. I don’t even have to look at the keyboard anymore. My fingers just automatically know where to go.

*Gnome wonders if this newly acquired skill might become her claim to fame somewhere in the future… “Gnome holds the Guiness World Record for the longest list of 13 digit ISBN numbers correctly typed, without looking at the keyboard”… *

So we’ve been thinking about what to do for our office Christmas Party. It’s always such an issue. You need to do something that will please everyone. Some people want to get together with our colleagues from Durban for a braai. Others just want to have a quiet dinner. Others don't care, but just want to drink. Others think that we should do something fun and exciting – eating together seems like a rather boring endeavor to them.

And this with only 6 of us in the office. What do big companies do? Somebody probably just makes an executive decision.

I don’t particularly mind what we do for the office Christmas Party, I just hope that I will find someone to have a decent chat with. Not that I don’t get on with my colleagues, but that’s really all they are to me: colleagues. We work together and that’s about it. I’m not sure how to handle “social interactions” with them… I guess I’ll have to worry about that when the time comes.

That’s my trial philosophy for the week (still seeing if it works…). “Worry about it when the time comes”. Turns out there’s quite a lot to be concerned about at the moment. We’ve been planning our January 2008 holiday for months now (it’s our 1 year wedding anniversary, and a friend’s wedding). We’re heading to the Garden Route. We’ve booked accommodation (paid a deposit and all), saved up diligently every month, and are seriously looking forward to our first real holiday together.

But now it seems that January is out for taking time off. It’s the busy season. Plus the shop might close in December, for which our carefully saved up holiday days will be sacrificed. Seems like there’s not much choice in the matter. I’m not sure why I’m so calm… I pleaded with my manager who said she will see what she can do. I have decided that I will take unpaid leave if necessary. Come hell or high water, we are going on holiday. And it’s gonna be the best holiday ever.

So yesterday I was watching some of the survivors of the military disaster speak out. A lady who had lost her arm was being visited by a senior officer. She asked him what had gone wrong. When he didn't have an answer, she said (a bit in despair): "Look, I have lost my arm!" With a cold expression, and a shrug of the shoulders he said: "That’s the nature of our job."
How do you say that to someone who has lost their arm…!?!?

My mother-in-law is visiting at the moment. Contrary to usual monster, uh, mother-in-laws, mine is just wonderful. And she doesn't mind doing the dishes. And she is a marvellous cook. And she loves buying me earrings. And she raised a wonderful son.

All grown up

Sometimes I hate being grown up. I am now that which I never thought I would become. Someone with a job. Someone who earns a salary. Someone who has to make important life decisions. Someone grown up. I deal with our finances, I get to decide whether we can afford something or not. I liaise with other people in the industry, I deal with other grown ups, and I am treated with respect - like a grown up should be treated. I have a signature on my email, my own medical aid card, and I run my own household. And I have my very own husband.

Today I just want to be small again. I want to go home and play until dinner time. I don't care what we have for supper. And then I want to beg for something nice for dessert, and (eventually) get what I want. I don't want to have to worry about the dishes, or the state of the house.

I don't want to have to worry about the new medical aid we're getting since our company was sold. I don't want to have to think that I can only join them if my ID document comes from Home Affairs, and that in the mean time we'll be sitting without any medical coverage. I don't want to have to worry about the fact that I attached my expired temporary ID in the hope that they will miss the expiry date. I don't want to have to worry about whether we chose the right option or not, or that the company won't pay the 50% share that they are legally obliged to pay (if they don't, we won't have enough money to live).

I don't want to have to worry about the fact that my future study endeavours (= my future in general) are in the hands of some Home Affairs official (who is probably twiddling his thumbs), since you can't register without your ID Document. I don't want to have to worry about money anymore. I don't want to have to lie awake in the evenings doing sums in my head.

I want to be carefree. I want someone to tuck me into bed and dream about sweets and sun and holidays and love and bunnies.

Butternut soup for the soul

I might as well be living in London.

You would never say this is South Africa in spring. Real soup weather. If only I could find a decent butternut soup recipe. I have been craving butternut soup since the last spell of rainy weather. I went through ALL our recipes books at home, and found no decent recipe. Today I have been on the Net for hours trying to locate a nice one, but they're all funny - either American (with funny ingredients), or they've got apple in it (apple in soup?!), or it's a whole long list of ingredients. I've really been on so many sites. Does no one have a simple butternut soup recipe for me? My mom has a brilliant one, but I am almost sure she is not at home*.

What is the Internet for, if not for THIS very reason.

Someone get me a SIMPLE butternut soup recipe!

Obviously the word "simple" is not very well known to your average butternut soup recipe inventor. All these recipes that claim to be "simple" have the most ingredients of all! And weird ones like leeks and fresh coriander. I'm looking for a simple one, people. Who has leeks lying around? Or fresh coriander growing in their garden? And no. Jamie Oliver does not count.

Maybe we should just have pea soup.

Oh wait.

I don't have a recipe for that either.

*As I feared, she is, in fact, not there (in my desperation I have even risked making private calls to Cape Town from work just to get a damn recipe for butternut soup...).

Why

Why do people not return phone calls?

Why do you have to lean on people for days before they get back to you?

Why does chocolate have to be so fattening?

Why is PMB weather so erratic today?

Why does prestic get sticky after you've played with it for too long?

Why do I feel like a whale the one day, and the next like I've never been slimmer?

Why am I scared of people in authority?

Why does my deodorant let me down at the end of the day, even though it promises not to?

Why do people use each other?

Why do people wearing hats always drive slowly?

Why do we never know what to make for dinner?

Why oh WHY does East Coast Radio ALWAYS play the SAME songs over and over and over again?

All in a day's work

So one of the big bosses was here for the past few days. I've quite enjoyed it - all of a sudden everyone was keen to work for a change. We all managed to find something to do for 3 days and somehow feign a stringent work ethic. Now it's back to slacking. Oh and we heard that Facebook activity gets monitored by the company, and if you're on it too long you get a letter of warning... No skin off my back really. I'm on Facebook maybe 5 minutes of every day. But I guess with my luck it'll be exactly the 5 minutes they monitor me...

As long as they don't catch me for blogging too much.

For some strange reason the big boss has taken a liking to me. Maybe because I help out his Direct Sales Consultant a lot - I process her orders, invoice out her client's books, check if her orders have come in etc. He kept saying to me how much potential I have, and that I shouldn't be here, I should be looking for greener pastures etc. Now, don't get me wrong, I really appreciate that he said that - it's nice to know that my potential is something tangible for others, but at the same time I feel like people just don't understand. I have chosen this road (as much as I have denied it in the past, this was a choice), and I really don't see the point in starting something new when we are moving away from PMB early next year anyway - I think it'll just look bad on my CV - chopping and changing companies every few months. Plus I think I am actually happy at the moment. Yah - probably in a bit of a comfort zone, but I do have a plan. I don't think I am being unfair to myself and my potential by being here right now. It IS teaching me something. I think I just get a little uptight when people don't seem to respect that.

Anyway.

We got a letter today from a guy in Ghana. He was applying for a job. It was really quite sweet. He had quite a broken English, and a rather crude handwriting. He claimed to have enclosed "testi monials" and school grades, but there was nothing. What was really hilarious, though, was that he had written this letter on July 1 2007, responding to an advert for a post at the shop dating back to 26 February 2006... I know this is Africa people, but damn. This gives a new meaning to "African Time". Does he really think the post will still be available after a year and a half?!? Even though we had a good laugh at this bloke, I did feel a little sorry for him. He did seem quite desperate...

All in a day's work I guess.

Jackie who?

I'm on the brink of not watching ETV news anymore. They just can't say "Jackie Selebi" like it's supposed to be said. It's not Jackie Sel-i-bi, folks, it's Jackie Sel-e-bi. Weird thing is they ALL do it! I think they were briefed on the pronunciation beforehand. Probably by some ignorant white person.

*SIGH*

Did you miss me?

Feels like I haven't blogged in ages. My absence has been due to a number of reasons. Firstly I think I am currently suffering from a mild case of blogger's block. Yip. I just cannot seem to find anything profound or exciting or interesting to write about. Or maybe all the profound stuff that I want to write about is not something I necessarily want to share with the entire blogosphere. Nonetheless, I hope this will pass soon...

To add to that I was off work for a couple of days last week, entertaining my family who came to visit for a few days. And then, in a surprising twist of fate, work has actually been busy. "Busy" is quite a loose term, though, and includes chatting to friends online and uploading photos on Facebook. So there. But I don't need to make any excuses to anybody anyway. Right? I am doing this for me. This is Gnome's Gnomeland in which Gnome can do as Gnome pleases.

Blah blah blah. Am I waffling?

So I'm sure you are all dying to know what happened to my performance appraisal. Are you? Or have you already forgotten? HA. Well either way I'm gonna tell you. It went super well. My boss is really pleased with me, and I jumped up from a 2.4 (out of 5) to a 4.1 (out of 5)! Yay for hard-working Gnome. I really am chuffed with myself. I tried to peek at the other people's scores (nothing like a little healthy competition), but only caught a slight glimpse of a 3.something somewhere (WOOHOO). Whatever my colleagues' scores were, at least I beat myself - hands down.

So the time with my family was just so wonderful. We had the coolest day on Friday (it was finally sunny) - packed with activities from morning til night. I really like being around my family. They're really some of the only people I can truly be myself around. Most of the time anyway. I am, however, enjoying peeing with the door open, having fart contests with my husband whenever we feel like it, and walking around naked* again now that they're gone.

The only less desirable side effect was that the time with my relatives was one big FEAST. Instant gratification, delayed depression. It all went pear-shaped when they arrived and we scoffed pizza for dinner (got a great deal at Scooters - 5 large pizzas for R 105, since one lady - who was vegetarian - ordered Hawaiian [with HAM] by mistake)**. It was just downhill from there. Chocolates, cheese, more chocolates and more cheese. Picnics with cheese and chocolates for dessert. I think you get the picture. And we went out for dinner. And conveniently didn't have time to run in the evenings. So this week, people, I am eating less. No chocolates and cheese. Had a piece of cake on Monday though... Right. Starting today. Or maybe tomorrow. Still have some chocolates to finish...

*The journey from the bathroom to the bedroom is but a short one.
**Did you know that Debonaires doesn't seem to have BANANAS on their pizzas anymore?! I am totally never going to Debonaires ever again. Bananas on pizza rock.