Fear

It being Tuesday, we grabbed the opportunity to see a half-price movie (R8!) last night. The only half-decent looking one that we hadn't yet seen (there's not much to do in Pietermaritzburg) was "Perfect Stranger". I wasn't all that keen, but after a short description that a friend had read in the newspaper, I was convinced it was worth the R 8. Overall I guess the movie wasn't too bad. It had a twist at the end that they didn't pull off very well, but it kept you watching.

Unfortunately, I am one of those extremely jumpy people. My husband likes to jump out at me sometimes when I least expect it. I scream as if being attacked and it takes another 5 minutes of sulking before I forgive him for yet another scare and a feeble "I didn't know you'd get such a fright." Being hijacked didn't help the situation, and I am still weary of men with their hands in their pockets. I have spells where I am so fearful, I don't even feel safe in my own bed. A few years ago I watched "The Ring" (stupid stupid stupid Gnome). And sometimes when I need the loo at night I am terrified when I wash my hands and look in the mirror - I keep expecting some woman to stare back at me. *SHUDDER*

Prayer does help, and so does my husband - he makes me feel safe - but sometimes this fear is paralysing.

Even though last night's movie wasn't even a horror, there was some hint of thrill and suspense in there. I walked out of the movie feeling uneasy and unsafe. I lay in bed tossing and turning, pictures from the movie replaying in my mind and only when my husband finally came to bed was I able to rest.

Friends of mine that will be away on the day the new Harry Potter book is released, asked me to fetch their pre-ordered book in exchange for being able to read it first (feel a bit bad, but can't resist this opportunity!). The book will be available at 1 a.m. on Saturday 21 July. My husband is out of town on that weekend, and I have been debating furiously in my head whether or not to risk driving to the mall alone at this ridiculous hour or wait til the morning. Bottom line is I'm too scared to go out alone at 1 in the morning. Am I being a little too paranoid here?

South Africa is the worst country to be living in if you're a little jumpy. I know. But you can't just isolate yourself, you have to be cautious to avoid being a victim of some crime. How much paranoia is enough? And how much can I trust God to protect me without being reckless? Is it wrong to worry about being attacked/raped/murdered? It just seems to me that it shouldn't be the norm. We shouldn't have to live in fear.